


I Know

by blackrainbow



Category: DBSK|Tohoshinki|TVXQ, JYJ - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-23
Updated: 2013-07-24
Packaged: 2017-12-21 03:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/895359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blackrainbow/pseuds/blackrainbow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They need each other. But it doesn't mean that Yunho in love with Changmin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

His phone rang. Unknown number. He never fond of prank calls. But that day he was oh so damn tired and his muscles and brain was aching and his head was hot, and maybe, maybe, he could pour his anger to the caller.

 

“Who is this?” Changmin threw his bag to the couch.

 

No answer.

 

Changmin looked at his phone. Still connected. “Hello?”

 

No answer.

 

What the hell?

 

“Hey! Who the fuck-“

 

“Changmin,”

 

The voice from the other line was so small, but Changmin could hear it.

 

And he knew who.

 

Well, who could mistaken the best male singer in Korea, chosen by idols and vocal coaches?

 

And he was still. He gulped down his thoughts and he could hear the other sighed.

 

Changmin didn’t know how long the silence taken over. He sat on the couch with the phone on his ear.

 

“Min,”

 

But nothing.

 

The caller did nothing but saying his name over and over.

 

“Why did you call.” Changmin said, more like a statement than a question.

 

Junsu sighed again. “I have your number weeks ago. And I’ve been thinking about it everyday. And I think I should call.”

 

“And?”

 

“How are you?” finally, Junsu said it.

 

Changmin looked at the clock. 10.25 PM. “So so.” he didn’t want to have the conversation, but didn’t want it to stop either. He felt nothing. His brain couldn’t think about anything.

 

“I saw you on TV.” Junsu said again, sounded more relaxed, his voice a little louder.

 

Changmin should’ve smiled. That sentence, just so Junsu. But again, he couldn’t feel anything. “I don’t. I mean, not I don’t watch me on TV. I don’t watch _you_ on TV.”

 

Junsu laughed a little. Fake laugh. Not his usual eukyangkyang.

 

Seemed like his brain started to work. Because he was curious. What was Junsu doing that time. How about you. How are you. I saw an article about your musical and concert.

 

But his muscles didn’t complied. Changmin said nothing.

 

“Um... so... do you...” Junsu sounded unsure. His voice was getting smaller again. “Do you want to talk to me?”

 

“What do you think I’ve been doing?”

 

“I understand if you hate me, and don’t want to talk. It’s okay.”

 

But Changmin didn’t hate him, not anymore. Or maybe he never hate Junsu at all. Or maybe what the other three done didn’t make him hate them, but simply made him felt numb.

 

“You can.” Changmin stated.

 

Junsu understood. “Well then,” he replied. “You sound tired. Take a rest.”

 

“Yeah.” Changmin started to feel calm.

 

“This is my number. You can call me anytime. And text me, of course.” Junsu added.

 

“Hm.” Changmin acknowledged.

 

“Bye.”

 

Changmin waited for nothing. Minutes later, he stood up. He took dirty clothes from his bag, threw it to the laundry basket, took a bath, and fell asleep.

 

*

 

The alarm woke him up. Changmin would like a 10 or 15 minutes snooze but oh his stomach was growling. He skipped lots of midnight snack lately. He was too preoccupied with their comeback that when he got home, he wanted and needed nothing but a deep slumber.

 

Changmin turned the alarm off and got up from his bed. On his way to the kitchen, he passed Yunho’s bedroom. The door was opened. He didn’t know what time his hyung got home last night.

 

“Hyung,” Changmin poked Yunho’s shoulder.

 

Yunho was sleeping with his back up, his head to the right side, and he was drooling.

 

Of course.

 

“Wake up.” Changmin shook Yunho and slapped his back lightly.

 

When Yunho showed a sign of waking up, Changmin continued, “What’s the schedule for today? I need to know so I can let you sleep again.”

 

But Yunho only caught several words from Changmin’s mouth. His eyes felt heavy and was looked confused, not fully awake yet. He flipped to his back and looked at Changmin. “What time is it?”

 

“Six.” Changmin replied. He felt a little guilty intruded his hyung’s sleep since the leader of course very very tired. But he had been doing this  too often that he started not to feel guilty anymore.

 

Yunho groaned. He blinked to the window, sun beamed down to his face. He didn’t close the curtain, too tired to do anything else when he arrived.

 

“Hyung,” Changmin called. “What’s today schedule?” he asked again. “Do you have to wake up now, or I can wake you up later?” he spoke more clearly so his hyung sleepy head could understand.

 

“I will get up a little later.” Yunho said.

 

“Okay.” Changmin stood up.

 

Changmin was eating his toast when Yunho got out from his room. “I shower first, yeah?”

 

Changmin hummed a yes and finished his plate.

 

After Yunho, it was Changmin turn to use the bathroom. When he was done, Yunho was in the living room, on the phone with papers on the table.

 

“Let’s go.” Yunho said. He explained they schedule while gathering his things to his bag.

 

“You haven’t eat breakfast.” Changmin stated.

 

“Do you see my phone?”

 

“It’s under your bag. You haven’t eat-“

 

Yunho took his phone and checked it. “The driver already here. Let’s go.”

 

Changmin sighed, texted their manager to get something to eat and coffee for Yunho. And he had to make sure that his hyung eat somehing.

 

“What time did you get home?” asked Changmin after they were in the car.

 

“Around 3. Why?”

 

“What are you doing until 3 AM?”

 

“Practicing of course.”

 

“Hyung. You are the master of dancing, why are you keep practicing when you already mastered it?”

 

“You just answer your question, Min-ah.” Yunho smiled. “I’m the master because I practice.”

 

*

 

When Changmin got home, Yunho wasn’t there but there was a chocolate cake on the table. He took a spoon and tasted it right away. His tongue met the rich flavour of expensive chocolate, melting in his mouth, and moaned happily.

 

“You eat that?” Yunho was just arrived.

 

“What?” Changmin just realized that maybe this cake wasn’t meant to be eaten. Maybe it was poisoned. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be for him. “Hey SHOES!”

 

Yunho quickly removed his shoes and arranged it on the rack.

 

“You said that you already change and remember to take off your shoes before getting into the house during shows and interviews but what- what’s that?” two plastic bags in Yunho’s hands cut off Changmin’s nagging right away. “Where were you?”

 

Yunho put the bags on the kitchen counter and opened it. “I bought daeji galbi, pajeon, and... samgyetang.”

 

“Woah...” Changmin couldn’t close his mouth from amazement when Yunho put the dishes on the table one by one.

 

When Yuno done, he turned to Changmin with satisfied look in his eyes. But that was before he bursted into laughter.

 

“What?”

 

“Puahahahahaha... Min... ahahah...” Yunho was laughing almost hysterically, holding his stomach.

 

“What?” repeated Changmin, he didn’t actually care the cause of Yunho’s laughter with the food on the table, so he took plates and bowls from the cabinet, and kimchi from the fridge. Changmin pour the soup on the bowl and served the pajeon and galbi on the plates.

 

“Okay, so...”

 

“Hahahahahahahahahah!!!! Aaaaaahhh... ahahaha...”

 

“Hyung, can we-“

 

“Changmin, Min, you have... ahahah...”

Changmin was getting annoyed. What the hell, really? Yunho was still laughing and pointing at his mouth. So he walked to the closest mirror and checked his reflection.

 

Oh.

 

Chocolates on his tooth.

 

Changmin let out a little chuckle and came back to the kitchen.

 

“So what’s all this?” Changmin spoke up after Yunho calmed down.

 

“Well...” Yunho coughed. “It’s a little celebration, you know, for our first comeback, as a duo.”

 

 _As a duo_.

 

“So thank you, Changmin. For being a reliable partner for me, and for being here, with me.” Yunho smiled.

 

His pouty lips turn into a very handsome and charming smile, showing a tidy row of tooth, a smile Changmin hadn’t seen in a very long time. The light in his eyes showed sincerity only Yunho could ever show. Yunho was the only person he knew who had the best personality, but the owner didn’t realize it.

 

“That’s all?” Changmin turned his head down to hide his nervousness. Why the hell I feel nervous? I do not!

 

“Well thank you for cooking most of our meals and keeping our home clean, for waking me up in the morning, for always finding my things when I lost it...”

 

“Don’t forget me being patient with your habit.”

 

“Yeah, that too.” Yunho chuckled.

 

“Okay, okay...” Changmin smirked. “Well, thank you too, Hyung.” he thought that he should return the favour. And he thought that the one who had to be thankful was him instead of Yunho. Because Yunho was the one who carried the most weight of their burden and responsibilities. Yunho was the one who being patient, with his nagging and anger.

 

“For?” Yunho demanded the same treatment, apparently.

 

“The food.” Changmin smiled.

 

Yunho laughed. “Okay, let’s eat.”

 

“Hyung...”

 

Yunho was just lifted his chopsticks, but then stopped and looked at the younger man. “Yes?” maybe Changmin will continue their ‘thank you’ session.

 

“You didn’t buy soju? Or beer at least?”

 

“We have to go to Japan tomorrow!”

 

“But we can sleep on the plane!”

 

“I will make us some tea later.”

 

“Make it now.”

 

“Later.”

 

“But I am thirsty now.”

 

“Just drink the soup.”

 

“Hyuungg...” Changmin whined.

 

Yunho took a spoonful of samgyetang soup and lifted it to Changmin mouth. “Here, drink this.”

 

Changmin pouted but slurped the soup.

 

They were too busy eating to start another conversation. And true to his promise, Yunho made tea for both of them while Changmin enjoyed the dessert.

 

He stopped when he realized Yunho had been staring.

 

“What? Another chocolate on my teeth?”

 

“I just like seeing you eat. You look very happy.” Yunho was still smiling while tasting the cake.

 

“I am happy.” Changmin stopped eating. “Are you happy?”

 

“Of course.” Yunho was licking the sticky chocolate on his spoon. “I am happy now.”

 

“I am happy too.”

 

“About the food?” Yunho looked up to him.

 

 _About you._ _About being here, with you_.

 

“Of course.”

 

*

 

It wasn’t their busy days anymore, but Yunho looked more restless than ever, even more than when they prepared their comback.

 

“You always daydreaming lately. Stop it.” Changmin sat beside him on the couch. “It doesn’t suit you.”

 

“Doesn’t suit my manly, cool persona?” Yunho joked dryly.

 

“You already looked dumb. Staring blankly make you look even more stupid.” Changmin rested his head and sighed. “Hyung, what is it?” Changmin finally asked.

 

Yunho turned his head to Changmin. Yunho knew that Changmin knew, he couldn’t play stupid. Years after years being together, almost nothing they could hide from each other.

 

“I contacted Jaejoong.”

 

Changmin felt that his heart stopped beating. Or was his heart was in the right place anyway, or had it dropped down to his feet.

 

Yunho was staring to the TV in front of them. It was turned off. There was Changmin’s and his reflection on the black screen, but yet he could see nothing.

 

“I got his number in Monday. And I call him the day after.”

 

“What, today is Monday. You mean last week?”

 

“Two weeks ago.”

 

“Of course.” Changmin gulped.

 

Two weeks ago. That explained the ‘staring blankly into nothing’ and ‘daydreaming all the time’ Yunho.

 

Two weeks ago. And he told me nothing.

 

Two weeks ago. Changmin didn’t even know what date it was.

 

Two weeks ago. What was I doing that day.

 

But again, this was Yunho. And Jaejoong. Yunho would never forget anything about him, would he?

 

Of course.

 

“Then what?” said Changmin after a while, thought that he should give a response.

 

“We talked.” Yunho answered softly.

 

Changmin didn’t want to listen anymore. He closed his eyes and tried to steady his breathing.

 

“And then nothing.” Yunho continued. “He didn’t call me back. Or text me at least.”

 

Then silent.

 

“So... what do you think?” Yunho whispered, turning his head to Changmin. “What should I do?”

 

Stop contact him, idiot.

 

“Maybe he’s busy.” Changmin answered flatly.

 

“He never, not replying my text.”

 

Well he did you moron.

 

“I texted him everyday, but he-“

 

“Even today?” Changmin couldn’t help but cut him.

 

“You think I should?” Yunho asked straight away.

 

Changmin wanted to slap his forehead, or maybe slapped Yunho for his stupidity, or just slapped Jaejoong for making Yunho like this.

 

“Are you sure it was Jaejoong Hyung?”

 

“We talked on the phone, didn’t I tell you that?”

 

Changmin just sighed. He didn’t want to make Yunho assumed that he didn’t care, because his poor leader needed some support. And for this case, nobody could give him that except Changmin.

 

“Do you think I should call Yoochun?”

 

“You also have his number?”

 

“I also have Junsu. The three of them.”

 

Oh. Changmin also had Junsu’s. Ever since their first conversation on the phone, they hadn’t contacted each other. Oh well, there was this time when they excahnged mail address. But then that was it.

 

“What would you tell Yoochun Hyung anyway?”

 

This time Yunho was the one who sighed desperately.

 

“Do you think Yoochun Hyung know you contacted Jaejoong Hyung?”

 

“Well, they drink together.”

 

Right. Yoochun should’ve known.

 

So Jaejoong told Yoochun, but why didn’t you tell me, Hyung? Am I not important to you? Do you realized it is me, who’s living with you together, everyday? Do you ever think what I feel? Do you know why I didn’t leave?

 

“Why didn’t you tell me, then?” whispered Changmin.

 

“What?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Changmin tried to hold his emotion because his insides was such a fucking mess.

 

“I... I didn’t know how to tell you...”

 

“Well you did just now.” he started to get irritated now.

 

“Why are you angry?” Yunho started to confused.

 

“Who the hell is fucking angry, Hyung.” Changmin looked away and tried not to yell.

 

“Really, Changmin, you’re not angry because you just said fuck and hell in a sentence.” said Yunho sarcasticly.

 

“What the fuck, Hyung, you just asked me for help but now-“

 

“Who the _fucking hell_ was asking for help?!” Yunho started to raise his voice as well.

 

“YOU were asking what should you do because Jaejoong didn’t answer your fucking call, idiot!” Changmin glared at Yunho. “I’m trying to give a fucking advice here!”

 

Yunho stood up abrupty and turned to Changmin. “Fuck you! Don’t you act like you give a shit! You see, this is why, Changmin, I didn’t tell you at the first place! Because I know you don’t care and-“

 

“What?” Changmin stood up as well, but his voice was low. “You said I don’t care? Fine Hyung, I won’t anymore.”

 

*

 

When Junsu visited US, he asked Changmin whether he wanted something while he was there. Changmin said no, not because he didn’t want to, but because he really didn’t know.

 

But a view days later, Changmin received a package from Im Jeon Soo.

 

Really, Junsu, can’t you make a better disguise?

 

It made him smiled a bit, the first smile since his fight with Yunho three days ago. Useless fight.

Changmin took the package to his room and opened it. It was a game cds.

 

And well, Changmin texted a thank you message to Junsu, and they started to talk about the game, and played together online.

 

It wasn’t surprising Changmin at all, that it felt natural.

 

*

 

Yunho started to talk to Changmin again, mainly about work. But they knew they did not mad at each other anymore. Especially because Yunho would never find his phone without Changmin’s help.

 

“Jaejoong replied my text.” Yunho said one day.

 

Changmin bit down his tounge to replied any inappropriate answer. “Good for you.”

 

Yunho gave an unreadable expression.

 

“No, really Hyung. Unlike you, I’m not good at this kind of stuff... but I mean it. That... that’s good.” Changmin forced a smile.

 

If it looked fake Yunho didn’t said a word. He smiled back. “Well, he asked about you, you know.” he turned on the TV.

 

“He did?” said Changmin unbelievably. _Why would he?_

“Yeah,” he changed the TV channel. “I gave you his number.”

 

Before Changmin retorted any response, Yunho continued. “Did he call you? Or text you?”

 

“When did you do that?” Changmin said, instead of ‘ _WHY_ did you give my number?!’

 

“Yesterday,”

 

Changmin scoffed and turned his head to the TV. “No. I received nothing, no call nor text.”

 

“Oh.” said Yunho shortly, his glace fixed on the TV. Gossip show or something.

 

“Hey, that’s Sica.” Yunho pointed the TV.

 

“Huh?” Changmin said stupidly, now watched the TV as well.

 

It was reported that their hoobae was caught having dinner with a male, and was holding hand while enjoyed their food. The male was still unknown.

 

“Tsk, these kids... why do they always danger our position as entertainers...” Yunho mumbled.

 

Changmin turned his head to Yunho. Was his hyung angry?

 

“But I could blame them, you know. I know the feeling... when you care about someone...”

 

Now this was Changmin turned to _Tsk_.

 

“How about you, Min-ah? Been long time since your last girlfriend, right?” asked Yunho.

 

Didn’t know what to do, Changmin nodded.

 

“Is there someone you like right now?” Yunho asked curiously.

 

“Maybe.” Changmin answered after a while.

 

“Really?” Yunho scooted closer to Changmin. “Someone I know?”

 

Changmin made an uncommital sound.

 

“From our company?” Yunho raised his eyebrows.

 

“Maybe.” Changmin said again.

 

“Who?”

 

“Tsk, Hyung, I-“

 

“You’re not gonna tell me, are you?” Yunho tilted his head. “Okay, just let me guess. Is she an actress, or singer?”

 

“Hyung, I’m not-“

 

“Or is she a he?” teased Yunho.

 

“Hyung, I’m not telling you!” Changmin shouted. But he decided to do a mehrong to make a playful impression, so his hyung wouldn’t get angry.

 

“Eiiisshh Changmin-ah, why won’t you tell your hyung, hmm?” Yunho moved closer to the maknae.

 

It was hard for Changmin to control himself, because Yunho was leaning closer and closer to him. And his face was so close, only inches away, and it would be easy for Changmin to-

 

“Who do you like, Changmin?”

 

_You. But you know what, I’ve been_ _debating with myself, whether actually, I love you already._

Changmin shook his head a little to clear his head. “Hyung! I said maybe, right, so it doesn’t mean there _is_ someone, okay!”

 

Yunho made a dissapointed sound. “You no fun, Min-ah.” he then sat back to his place.

 

“At least I don’t loose my phone every 5 minutes, forget my wallet every 10, and left my tumbler in the practice room every night.” Changmin said, after took enough breath to calm himself.

 

“Wow, you’re amazing, aren’t you?” Yunho laughed.

 

Yunho’s phone rang.

 

“See, I don’t loose it this time.” Yunho showed his phone off to Changmin’s face before checked it.

 

His face lighted up with happiness suddenly. And he was grinning to himself. Or maybe grinning to the sender.

 

Kim Jaejoong.

 

Well, who else?

 

So Changmin retreated to his room. Knowing his hyung wouldn’t realized that he was gone made his heart clenched a little. But it was no surprise, right?

 

*

 

Actually, Junsu _did_ give Yoochun and Jaejoong numbers to Changmin. He didn’t save it. But he recognized the number. And one of the said number was calling him that day. He was going out with Jonghyun, waited for Minho and Kyuhyun in a restaurant.

 

“Hyung, your phone is vibrating.” said Jonghyun, he was looking at Changmin’s phone, which was moving around on the table.

 

“I don’t know the number.” Changmin cursed himself. He shouldn’t have even looked at Yoochun or Jaejoong’s number, because he knew, this was Jaejoong’s number.

 

Shit, brain. Why you always remeber things I want to forget and forget things I want to remeber?

 

Kyuhyun and Minho joined them after half an hour. “Traffic is killing me, man.”

 

They talked about Kyu’s Radio Star, SHinee comeback and of course, Jonghyun’s drama.

 

“Do you make friends well at the set, Jonghyun-ah?” asked Kyuhyun, munching his chicken.

 

“Not all,” Jonghyun stirred his cola. “Woobin and I are quite close, though.”

 

“Nobody else?” Kyuhyun lifted his eyebrows suspiciously.

 

“Ah Hyung, just tell him you want him to introduce you with the actress!” teased Minho.

 

Kyuhyun and Minho fight with their french fries.

 

“Well, I think I quite close with Jinyi anyway...” mumbled Jonghyun.

 

“Who Jinyi?” Minho stopped slapping Kyu’s fries with his own.

 

“Yoon Jinyi. She played Meahri. She’s the same age with me.”

 

“Is she?” Kyuhyun sounded interested.

 

“Ah! Isn’t she the one who paired up with Minjong Hyung? I saw their photos some days ago in a magazine.” reported Minho.

 

“Really?” Kyuhyun smirked. “Anyway, why is our Shimchang so quiet today~”

 

“Hyung, he just eat your chicken...”

 

“YA!” Kyuhyun slapped Changmin’s hands away from his food.

 

“Hey! You’re not eating anyway!” Changmin slapped Kyuhyun in revenge.

 

“You already eat three you beast.” Kyuhyun ate his chicken brutally now. “Ah, by the way, I don’t remeber which girl you’re talking about, Hyun-ah.”

 

“I know which one,” Changmin said. “I watched your drama.”

 

Jonghyun mumbled a thanks and smiled awkwardly.

 

“Is she pretty?” Kyuhyun asked again.

 

“She’s pretty, Hyung.” Minho answered.

 

“Ya, Jonghyun-ah, do you have her number?”

 

“Yes, but why Hyung?”

 

“Text her! Ask her what’s she doing?”

 

“But is it okay?” Minho cut them off.

 

“It’s okay, we’ve been texting every now and then anyway.” Jonghyun started to type the message.

 

“Do you have her photo, Hyun-ah?” Kyuhyun was still curious.

 

“Of course... here, Hyung.” Jonghyun showed his phone screen to Kyuhyun.

 

“Yah, if you want to see her, just ask for her photo will do without texting her.”

 

“Aaah! I know, I know... I remember now. She-“

 

“Oh! She replied...” Jonghyun opened the message. “She’s watching TV. And asking me what am I doing.”

 

“Said you hang out with us, and whether she know us, Hyun-ah.” said Kyuhyun with full mouth.

 

Jonghyun answered the text, and after a while, a response came. “Yes she know you.”

 

“Ask her who she likes the most,” added Kyuhyun, a little impatient.

 

Jonghyun chuckled while sending the message.

 

Changmin couldn’t help but felt a bit hopeful. Looked like Minho and Kyuhyun felt the same way.

 

Jonghyun grinned when he received the answer. “Hyung, do you want to hear the answer, or want to read it by yourself?”

 

“Just read it. Do you want Kyu to hold your phone with his dirty greasy hand?”

 

Kyuhyun laughed.

 

“Changmin hyung.” Jonghyun said.

 

“What?” Changmin turned his head to Jonghyun.

 

“Her answer. Changmin-sshi. You, Hyung.” Jonghyun told Changmin face to face.

 

“AHAHAHAHAHA!” Changmin laughed in victory.

 

“What! No, let me see!” said Kyuhyun, wouldn’t accept the fact. So Jonghyun showed his phone again to him. “Oh shit it’s you, Changmin.”

 

“Aaaaahhh~~ isn’t today a very good day? Look at the sun shine so bright, the leaves-“

 

“Doesn’t matter she’s not my type anyway.” said Kyuhyun.

 

“Hahah, sure Kyu.” Changmin rolled his eyes.

 

“What should I reply, Hyung?”

 

“Reply whatever.” ignored Kyuhyun.

 

“Wait, what did she said, Hyung?” asked Minho.

 

“She answered; Changmin-shii, why?” Jonghyun reread his text.

 

“Because Changmin wants to date her.” said Kyuhyun, now concentrating on his food.

 

“YAH!” Changmin threw his straw to Kyuhyun.

 

Jonghyun laughed softly and replied the message.

 

*

 

“I’m home~” Changmin slipped off his shoes.

 

“Hahahah, really?... oh, that’s so much fun... do you think we can go there some time together?...”

 

Changmin heard his hyung, talking by himself? He entered the living room. His hyung was on the phone.

 

“Hyung, who-“

 

“Don’t say that Jae, we don’t know yet...”

 

Of course.

 

Changmin entered his room without saying a word. Well why he needed to, Yunho Hyung wouln’t ask anyway. No, he wouldn’t even greet him. _Hi Changminnie where are you from did you have fun oh really how was Jonghyun and Minho yes please tell him I watch his drama too did Kyuhyun asked for celebrity discount as usual..._

 

And Changmin could hear his hyung’s melodious laugh.

 

Changmin didn’t try to ignore it. Didn’t try to calm himself. Didn’t try to convince himself that it was okay, that didn’t care, it didn’t matter.

 

He way passed that.

 

Yunho’s words was sounded too loud to his likings, even if he closed the door.

 

“Oh my Jae, do you know I miss you so much...” Yunho whispered.

 

But Changmin heard. And he knew.

 

“I miss your cooking,”

 

Changmin couldn’t disagree.

 

“I miss how you laugh,”

 

Changmin missed how Yunho laughed.

 

“They say it looked weird but I like your smile and I want to see it straight away, you know...”

 

Changmin wanted to see Yunho smiled too. That pure happy smile. It wasn’t like Yunho didn’t smile like that anymore. He bet Yunho smiled a lot lately.

 

But not for him. Not because of him.

 

Enough is enough.

That was worse than listening to crappy creepy radio show. Changmin pulled his headset from his drawer roughly and put it on, played any random song from his mp3.

 

Tried to ignore his surrounding, Changmin thought of one thing;

 

This is stupid.

 

*

 

They were on some radio show or something that Changmin could not remember. After they finished, they were on their way to another interview.

 

Yunho was busy texting. Changmin was already eating the last strip of his chicken katsu.

 

“Eat your bento, Hyung.” Changmin said.

 

Yunho didn’t answered.

 

“Hyung,” Changmin called again, little louder.

 

“Huh?” Yunho’s response was more like a hum than a word.

 

“Eat.” said Changmin firmly. He shoved the lunchbox to Yunho’s lap.

 

Yunho opened the lid. “You haven’t eat?”

 

Changmin was tempted to ignore the leader the way he ignored him earlier. “I’m done.”

 

Yunho was eating happily.

 

*

 

“Who is that?” Kyuhyun was leaning so he could see Changmin’s phone. They were in SM cafetaria.

 

“What? Manager Hyung... I have to go to MBC at 8. What time is it?”

 

“You were texting with Manager Hyung?” Kyuhyun widened his eyes.

 

“What’s wrong with that? Hey, what time-“ Changmin took Kyuhyun wrist to see his watch forcefully.

 

“I thought you were texting that Jonghyun actress friend.” Kyuhyun eyed him suspiciously.

 

“What, don’t I have a life? I’m not you, Kyu.” mocked Changmin. “I’m busy nowadays.”

 

“Ha! So it’s not like you don’t like her, rite?” teased Kyuhyun.

 

Changmin didn’t answer. He was arranging a meeting with Yunho.

 

“Aish, Minnie... I’ve never text my manager as long as you...”

 

“It’s Yunho Hyung. He’s picking me up here to go together.”

 

“Tsk, why, can’t you two meet at the parking place?”

 

“Why, jealous that your leader doesn’t care about you as mine care about me?” retorted Changmin.

“Yah!” Kyuhyun glared. “Oh look that’s your precious leader. Hi, Yunho Hyung.” Kyuhyun bowed respectfully.

 

“Hi, Kyu. Min, ready? Let’s go.” Yunho was standing near beside Changmin.

 

“See you Kyu.” Changmin took his bag from the table.

 

“Tell me later about your progress with that actress!” shouted Kyuhyun after Changmin and Yunho was heading away.

 

Changmin just waved his hand in dismissal.

 

“Actress who?” asked Yunho curiously.

 

“Nobody.” said Changmin shortly.

 

“Aww Minnie, come on~” Yunho threw his arm around Changmin.

 

Changmin just sighed. They walked together to the car and went to the destinied location.

 

Changmin should’ve warned himself. Why didn’t remember that there would be a very high possibility for Yunho to continue his lovey dovey texting in the car. And of course lovey dovey phonecall after they arrived home a little later.

 

He already put on his headphone, wore his animated eye mask, but still, he couldn’t rest his mind but keep thinking about the smile on his lips and eyes just because of those texts.

 

His mind keep playing this scenario without his control.

_Hi what are you doing did you had lunch. Yes I cooked kimchi jjigae earlier there was some leftovers do you want some. Why  are you asking of course I do. Haha come and get it what are you doing. I’m in the car right now moving to my schedule. Really what is that. Just a radio show. Wow that’s fun I miss doing that._

_Yeah have fun with your life, being an idol without broadcast,_ Changmin’s mind spoke up.

 

It wasn’t like he hate Jaejoong because nothing wrong with that hyung, who was always doting on him and cooked homey delicious meal everyday. Sure Jaejoong Hyung hit him little too often, but he always get the chance to revenge. And he doubt that his punches or kicks were hurt Jaejoong less than Jaejoong hurted him.

 

Nothing wrong with the man who loved and be loved by your loved one.

 

They arrived at the location with happy as ever Yunho and irritated Changmin.

 

“Did you get sleep in the car?” asked Yunho as they walked into the building.

 

Changmin didn’t answer, just walked a little faster so he was ahead of Yunho.

 

During interview, Changmin did what he did the best; letting Yunho do the talk, added some useless boring information, and repeated story which have been told in another talk shows or radio interviews.

 

Yunho was laughing a lot, and when he was not, he was smiling so brightly like an idiot.

 

And Changmin hated that.

 

R u free tonight? I could use some alcohol.

Send to: Kyuhyun

\--

What just happened? Uri Shimchwang wanted to get wasted~

From: Kyuhyun

Changmin rolled his eyes and looked to the radio host, nodded, gave a litte fake laugh, and got back to his phone.

So?

Send to: Kyuhyun

\--

Yeah why not. I’ll contact Minho and Jjong.

From: Kyuhyun

 

Someone nudged his knees. Changmin looked up to the doer. Yunho shook his head and gave a warning glare, mouthed something Changmin didn’t catch.

 

*

 

“What the hell, Changmin?! I already told you NEVER use your phone during interviews!” Yunho reprimanded him as soon as they were free from any studio crews.

 

“So I can do it during shows?” asked Changmin dumbly.

 

“NO!” said Yunho, almost too loudly, but very very firmly.

 

“But there was this time they told us to send messages to-“

 

“Gosh, Changmin. I know you understand what I mean.” Yunho sounded a little angry this time.

“Guess I’m not.” mumbled Changmin.

 

But Yunho could hear him. So he turned around, face to face with Changmin. “Do not use your phone when you’re working, unless you have to.” he spoke slow and clear, with deep tone in each word.

 

“Understood.” Changmin nooded, led his way to the exit but took different road with Yunho.

 

“Wait, Min! Where are you going?” Yunho stopped as he realized Changmin weren’t with him anymore.

 

“I’m going out.” answered Changmin lightly.

 

“Min,... YA! Stop you SHIM CHANGMIN!” Yunho shouted.

 

Changmin paused. He turned around.

 

“You didn’t ask for my permission.” Yunho was holding his anger, but it was showing up little by little to the surface.

 

“Our schedule already finished for today, Hyung. I need a little refreshing.” Changmin tried to calm himself, tried not to flinch at Yunho glare.

 

“It midnight already, where the fuck are you going?” Yunho didn’t speak loudly anymore. But his chest was heaving and his hand was in a tight fist.

 

“Where else, Hyung?” said Changmin. “I already late. I’m going.”

 

So he went away, forbid himself to look back, and hailed a taxi as soon as he saw one.

 

*

 

Changmin ordered shot after shot of drinks, gulped it down as soon as it served in front of him.

 

“Dude, you better pay those yourself, yeah?” said Kyuhyun, he was still holding his first bottle. It was only two of them, since Jonghyun was busy filming and Minho couldn’t exit his dorm for some reason.

 

Changmin didn’t listen, drank four shots in a row, put down those little glasses as soon as he finished it.

 

“Okay, Min, what happened?” Kyuhyun started to worry, he held down Changmin’s arms, prevent him to choke himself with any more drink.

 

Changmin exhaled heavily. He asked himself. What happened?

 

“Is there something wrong? What, tell me.” Kyuhyun looked Changmin with concerned eyes.

 

“I was wrong.” Changmin said, after a lot of thinking. “I... he didn’t...”

 

Kyuhyun was listening patiently. “Who he?”

 

Changmin hid his face with his palm, and rubbed his face roughly. “Yunho.” he answered quietly.

 

“Who?” Kyuhyun repeated louder, fought the sound from the speaker. “Yunho Hyung?” did he catch the right word from Changmin’s mouth?

 

Changmin called the bartender, his nerves needed another drink.

 

“You two seem okay when I met you earlier.” Kyuhyun finally spoke up, tried to dig more of Changmin messy thought.

 

“No, no I’m not okay with him!”

 

“Whoa-“ Kyuhyun’s bottle slipped from his hand due to his surprise. “Well why, Min? What’s wrong with Yunho Hyung?”

 

Without the drinks, Changmin might be contemplating whether he should, or should not tell Kyuhyun. And what should he told him. Which part.

 

“He called Jaejoong Hyung.” the words was sliding just like that from his mouth.

 

“He did?!” Kyuhyun seemed like he didn’t believe him. “Really?”

 

Changmin just nodded. “Those two fucking idiots just can’t stop talking, texting...”

 

Kyuhyun just sighed. He could understand if Changmin was upset. After all, Jaejoong was one of the person who hurted him the most. But didn’t Jaejoong Hyung hurted Yunho Hyung too, after all, after they abandoned them?

 

Changmin drank from Kyuhyun’s bottle before he spilled more stupid sorrows on his bestfriend. “Fuck, Kyu! What the fuck?!”

 

“What, what happened?”

 

“Is this? Fuck! Did somebody put a cigar in here?!” Changmin coughed most of the bottle’s content, eyed Kyuhyus’ bottle suspiciously. “Fuck I can taste the ashes!”

 

*

 

Kyuhyun couldn’t decide where he should take his drunkard friend after the club closed. It was almost 4 AM. He didn’t have the heart to let Changmin went back to his dorm, because he knew he had to face Yunho Hyung later, and it would mean angry Yunho to angry Changmin who hate Yunho.

 

So he brought him to his dorm.

 

After gave a big reasonable tip to the driver, he dragged unconcious Changmin to the apartement. He supported the bigger man’s body, reached the elevator hardly. He knew he wasn’t supposed to drink much, since that night was mainly about Changmin. And he had to stay concious, considered the amount of alcohol in Changmin’s system.

 

He put Changmin on the couch. He’d love to have Changmin on his bed, but he barely had enough space for himself, especially if Ryeowook and Siwon slept there.

 

Kyuhyun could smell alcohol from Changmin’s breath. He imagined the pain Changmin would achieve in his head when he woke up. Ugh, it’d be ugly.

 

He decided to wash up and sleep. In his room. Changmin took all the space okay, Kyu tried not to feel guilty left his friend just like this. At least Changmin was safe and warm.

 

So when Leeteuk and Siwon went out from their room, was going out to work out, they saw Changmin sprawled on the couch, they exchanged a look.

 

“Yunho yah, do you know Changmin is- well, he’s in our dorm... no no, he’s sleeping. Okay... I will send your the lock code in case the kids haven’t wake up to open the door for you... ahahahah, it’s okay, really. Don’t worry... and, go easy on him, yeah? Yes, yes...”

 

*

 

Yunho couldn’t sleep that night.

 

He tried to contact Changmin’s number over and over, but it was useless. He fell asleep around 3, and opened his eyes from the rang of his phone. It wasn’t a call he waited for.

 

He was rushing to Super Junior’s dorm. Why Changmin spent the night there, and didn’t answered any of his call? He could tell him he was staying over, dammit.

 

He furiously pushed the code numbers and opened the door. He met Donghae in the hallway.

 

Donghae blinked. Obviously was just woke up.

 

“Hi, Donghae,” Yunho decided he had to do a proper greeting. He was in their dorm anyway. “Uh, I’m sorry I just get in, Teuk Hyung tell me the code numbers and I don’t wanna wake any of you...”

“It’s fine... uh, come to pick Changmin up?” Donghae yawned and streched.

 

“Yeah, sorry for the inconvenience. Where is he?” Yunho invited himself in further.

 

“He was on the couch. Do you want coffee?” Donghae went to the kitchen.

 

Yunho saw his maknae unconcious body on the couch. He was still wearing yesterday’s clothes. “No, thanks. So did Changmin sleepover here?”

 

Donghae looked confused. Partly because his mind hadn’t fully awake yet. But he obviously remember last night Kyuhyun was going out, and apparently with Changmin. He didn’t know what to tell Yunho.

 

But Yunho didn’t need any answer anymore. The younger man was reek of alcohol. He needed no explanation.

 

So when Donghae excused himself to the bathroom, leaned to Changmin’s head, which was turned to the back of the couch and his back was facing the front.

 

“Changmin,” he called with low voice. Didn’t want to wake the other SuJu kids.

 

Changmin was still.

 

Yunho pulled Changmin’s body so he turned into him. He pinched Min’s nose and cover his mouth. Changmin was moving around after a while, but then, there was nothing.

 

“Wake up you brat!” Yunho slapped Changmin’s shoulder. “Changmin!” he was being loud but tried to be quiet at the same time.

 

But Changmin’s eyes was still closed.

 

Yunho stood up. He pulled Changmin’s body so he fell down from the couch.

 

“Fuck...” Changmin mumbled softly. He looked around, his eyes was blinking rapidly. And is that Yunho Hyung?

 

Before he could comprehend anything, two strong hands pulled the front of his jacket, forced him to stand up.

 

“HOME. NOW.” Yunho dragged Changmin’s body out of the dorm, and said a goodbye to Donghae who was still hiding in the bathroom.

 

The sunshine hurted his eyes and Yunho’s rough treatment did nothing good to Changmin. He was aching all over, and he couldn’t and wouldn’t walk if Yunho didn’t pushed and pulled him so hard.

 

Yunho threw him to the car before sat in the driver seat. He said nothing on their way home. But Yunho’s hand was white and tight on the steer.

 

As soon as their arrived at their dorm, Yunho closed the door behind him and grabbed Changmin’s arm and turned him so they were standing face to face.

 

Or not. Since Changmin didn’t have the will nor the energy to even stand straight.

 

“What the fucking hell, Changmin!” he shouted. “Did you know what you just fucking do?!!”

 

“Gosh Hyung, I can hear you well without yelling, okay?” Changmin pushed Yunho a little to stand further. “Why are you angry...”

 

“I was worry, okay! You should tell me where you went last night!”

 

“Hyung! I’m not a kid anymore! Why the hell I should’ve tell you!” Changmin gained his energy to shot Yunho a look.

 

“I’m your Hyung, Min! Of course you should tell me, okay? You went out drinking at what if-“

 

“Stop it Hyung...” he pushed Yunho on his chest.

 

Yunho was barely stumbled back. “And why you even go out for a drink? You rarely go. What’s wrong?” Yunho had willed down his anger and started to feel concerned.

 

“STOP!” Changmins was bursted into anger. Yunho was taken aback.

 

“Fuck you! Do you know how much you ignore me lately, and now you acted all worry!” Changmin pointed his finger to Yunho’s face. “Fuck you Hyung, you didn’t realize any of it, did you!?”

 

“What are you talking about?! Why is it suddenly my fault?! You just disgraced me in front of Super Junior members!”

 

Changmin scoffed. “That’s all you care about right, Hyung? You, yourself, and your pride.” Changmin breath was heavy. “I have enough of you.”

 

“Then leave!” Yunho’s high voice surprised Changmin. “I didn’t beg you to stay. Leave if you want.”

 

“You would want that, wouldn’t you?” Changmin said quietly. “You should just tell me to leave from the start.”

 

Yunho was staring into Changmin’s eyes.

 

“Of course. Why would you tell me otherwise.” Changmin sighed. “I’d be glad to leave Hyung, if that’s what you want and make you happy.”

 

*

 

Everything was running fast inside his mind. Changmin was taking refuge in his parent’s house. His father was out working, his sisters was out for a trip, his mother said nothing more after Changmin explained he was so damn tired, and she told her son to take a rest peacefully in his room.

 

Maybe because it wasn’t the first time Changmin did this. The house was in Seoul anyway, and he often came back home after a tiring schedule, missed a well homecooked meal. But it was the first time he came here, because he was running from Yunho.

 

And Changmin finally got that proper sleep on a proper bed. Only realized he was asleep with crying eyes when he found out how swollen they had became when he woke up in the evening. Beside the banging in his head, his throat wasn’t sore. It was aching like he just gulped down a few nails and he hardly produce any voice.

 

His phone was dead, ran out of battery. When he charged and turned it on, he received a call from Kyuhyun.

 

“Hello?”

 

Changmin answered.

 

“Hello? Hello? Who is this?” Kyuhyun started to sound suspicious.

 

Changmin cleared his dry throat. And it feels painful. “Changmin.” he wanted to add _what the hell Kyu of course it’s me dammit who the hell do you think you call_ but it was wiser if he stopped talking.

 

“Chang- Changmin! This you... Shim Changmin. Really?”

 

Changmin was groaned stressfully and cut the call. He then texted Kyuhyun.

 

                It’s changmin u dammit! I blame the ashes from that drink from hell!

                _Send to: Kyuhyun_

_\--_

THANKS GOD YOU ALIVE should we celebrate it and order more of that hell drink kekeke~

                I thought it was some weird homeless beggar found your phone.

Where the hell are you? Donghae Hyung told me Yunho Hyung picked you up earlier.

He didn’t look happy... did he?

_From: Kyuhyun_

_\--_

Changmin didn’t know what to reply, especially when Kyuhyun was asking about Yunho.

Yeah. He was more than unhappy.

_Send to: Kyuhyun_

\--

No shit Shim. But at least he’s not Heechul Hyung and I bet he was fair enough to you.

Did you apologize?

_From: Kyuhyun_

_\--_

Now why the hell he needed to apologize?! Because he was drinking? Should Shim Changmin explained why he even went out drinking? It was because that Yunho pissed him off in the first place!

 

Changmin didn’t answer that text, threw his phone on the bed and went downstairs to join his family for dinner.

 

*

 

Changmin received a text about the meeting in tomorrow morning. It wasn’t from Yunho. It was from their manager.

 

Of course. Yunho would be so very fucking busy texting, and considered Changmin wasn’t around, he’d call- and to think of it, Yunho was calling even when Changmin was around. Maybe Yunho even invited Jaejoong home. And yeah, sure, the topic was about the rebellious Shim Changmin.

 

He could pictured how Yunho would desperately complained about him to Jaejoong. And how Jaejoong would cheer him up. Maybe made a warm cup of tea if he was (really) stopping over at their dorm. Or maybe they went out drinking.

 

_I’m so tired Jae I don’t know what to do. It’s okay Yun you have me it’s okay it’s gonna be okay. But Changmin-. Hush don’t think about it he’ll come to his senses.Thank you Jae I love you. I love you too Yunho._

Changmin thought he should be a scriptwriter. He’d be amazing at it.

 

*

 

Changmin was expecting the manager to pick him up from his home.

 

But he found it was Yunho who was sitting in his family dining room. He was chatting friendly with his mother and father.

 

When Changmin entered, Yunho turned his face and gave a little awkward smile.

 

Which Changmin didn’t return. He looked at his mother instead.

 

And his mother telling that she had to cook for the neighbourhood kids for some event so she would leave together with his father.

 

“The jjigae was still on the stove so help yourself. And you can take the kimchi in the fridge to your dorm. You have the key, right? Don’t forget to lock when you leave.” his mother was gathering her bag. “See you later, Yunho.”

 

Yunho was replied and bowed politely. Meanwhile Changmin was mumbling quietly.

 

After a quiet long pause, Yunho finally spoke up. “Changmin, I wanted to say sorry. But I was really angry, I didn’t know what was bothering you and you didn’t tell me either. I was so angry and I.. I didn’t mean to-“ Yunho’s breath was caught up.

 

Changmin did nothing but just stood there and looked at Yunho.

 

 “And after the trio leave I know people think that I was useless. That I do no good as a leader. I couldn’t make them stay, heck they even think I was the reason.”

 

Changmin knew that Yunho would take this seriously, but not this far. His teary eyed Hyung and the talk about the trio just hurted his heart, and he knew Yunho was hurting too. So he was walking closer to Yunho and hugged his hyung when he was within reach.

 

But Yunho stopped him to looked at him in the eye. “I didn’t mean to tell you to leave. I didn’t mean it. Changmin, I’m really sorry, I really am. I have no one else but you...” Yunho then put his forehead on Changmin’s shoulder, tried to hide his tears.

 

Changmin put his arms around Yunho by instinct. He tightened the hug and inhaled as much as Yunho’s scent his lungs could provide. “I am sorry too, Hyung. For being inconsiderate brat. Please forgive me.”

 

Yunho forced a laugh, which was muffled to Changmin’s shoulder. “You aleady forgiven Min-ah. I love you.” Yunho whispered softly.

 

Changmin heart stopped at Yunho’s words. “I lo-“

 

“My precious dongsaeng...”

 

Changmin’s arms fell. “I love you too, Hyung.”

 

_Of course. I’m only his dongsaeng. And nothing more, nothing more._

*

 

“So how did you know I was in my parent’s house?” Changmin asked after they boarded the car.

 

They already had breakfast at Changmin’s home. Yunho said they didn’t have to take the kimchi, but Changmin insisted, just to busy his mind to think about the fail love confession.

 

“I asked Kyu, but he said you didn’t tell him. And you go home quite often after all, so I called early in the morning.” Yunho was driving.

 

“Oh.” Changmin replied, eyes on the road. “And uh... did something happen when I leave?”

 

“It wasn’t even two days... what event should happen?” said Yunho amusedly. “Well I took a little angry jog not long after you left.”

 

Changmin felt a little happy for no reason. Well at least, he made Yunho did the angry jog.

 

But it didn’t really answer his question. “So um... so, did you... tell Jaejoong Hyung?” he finally asked.

 

“No.” Yunho answered shortly.

 

Changmin held himself to do an interrogation. _Really, not lying, you didn’t tell him?_

“I was discussing our next single material with manager Hyung actually. But it was useless, you know, since you weren’t there.”

 

Changmin grinned happily. “Yeah well, my being is just happened to be that important, anyway, so-“

 

“You brat.” Yunho pinched Changmin’s cheek briefly.

 

That was just a simple gesture made by Jung Yunho which did not make Shim Changmin blushed. No. He received those kind of treatment too often to feel-

 

“Yah, Min, where actually will we have the meeting?” Yunho was turning his head left and right, he was checking the road. “Is it the main building, or the new one? Eh wait, the where the new one actually, should I turn left or...”

 

“Ya Hyung! You don’t even know the location?! You’re the one who’s driving!”

 

“I forget, okay!”

 

“Aiish, really... what will you do without me...” Changmin was calling their manager to ask the meeting point.

 

“Yeah, what will I do without you.” Yunho turned his head to Changmin, and smiled that smile Changmin always yearn for.

 

“You don’t stand a chance, Hyung.”

 

*

 

Yunho didn’t ignore him like before. But there was one other thing that didn’t change; Yunho was still contacting Jaejoong. Changmin was stupid not to expect this.

 

He was in the kitchen, checking the fridge for something to eat. Was there any leftovers to reheat?

 

“Hey Jae, what are you doing? Are you busy?”

 

The breeze from the fridge matched really well with how he felt.

 

And Changmin wasn’t hungry anymore. He walked back into his room, was noticing how Jaejoong never fail to make Yunho happy. No matter where and when, and how.

 

And it just hurt his heart. He couldn’t angry either. He didn’t have the right to do that. He felt jealous over something that was not even his. He understood how Yunho would only love Jaejoong, but he just couldn’t control his heart.

 

 _I am glad you are happy Hyung, but it hurts the same_.

 

*


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I thought that maybe you could feel the same way. But I realized that you still in love with someone else. But maybe at least, you would feel something... anything, for me.” Changmin stopped. “But then again, nothing.”

“Hyung, I want to move out.” Changmin said during their lunch in a restaurant near SM building.

 

“Why? Don’t you like our current apartment?” Yunho added more chili to his curry.

 

“It’s not like that...” Changmin said nervously.

 

“Well, what’s that other apartment you wanted us to move to?”

 

Changmin cleared his throat. “I mean, me, Hyung, the one who move out.”

 

Yunho looked up from his food. “What?”

 

“ _I_ want to move out.” Changmin repeated.

 

“Why _you_ want to move out?” Yunho was starting to feel uncomfortable. “Is it about my-“

 

“No, no, Hyung. I know you’d say this.” Changmin cut Yunho off quickly. “It has nothing to do with you, you know. I just wanted to. And I think it’s the right thing to do. I mean, we’re both grown men who need some space to have our own life. Don’t you think so, Hyung?”

 

“I think my life is fine with you in it.”

 

_See, these kind of little things make my heart aches, Hyung, when you don’t interpret those words the way I do._

Changmin sighed. “Hyung, do you really think we will spend the rest of our life together?”

 

Yunho said nothing.

 

“It doesn’t mean I hate you, or something’s wrong with you, or I’ve had enough of your bad habit... well I am, but that’s not the main reason I leave. It just hit me, okay, Hyung. And I’d like to give it a try.”

 

“What about works?”

 

“We’ll work just fine, Hyung. You know I never late, nor do you.”

 

Yunho was staring out to the window.

 

“So, what do you think, Hyung?” asked Changmin carefully, after he gave Yunho enough time.

 

“Well, it’s not like I can just hold onto you forever, right, Changminnie?” Yunho looked back to Changmin.

 

Changmin gave him a reassuring smile.

 

Yunho smiled back at him. “I can’t believe the younger one who give this advice, really.”

 

*

 

Junsu never ask about Yunho, or not yet maybe. And Changmin never ask about Jaejoong and Yoochun either. They were talking about Junsu’s resort in Jeju, and Changmin told Junsu about him moving out.

 

“Really?!”

 

Changmin was surprised by how Junsu reacted. Well, surely Junsu would be, but not with that kind of high pitched shocking voice.

 

“Why Min? Is there’s something wrong with you and Yunho Hyung?” and that was the first time Junsu mention Yunho’s name.

 

“Why does everybody think that way?” Changmin sighed. When he told Kyuhyun, his bestfriend was like ‘Oh my God Changmin did you fight with him? Is it because of that night? What did he tell you? Did he punched you? Gosh, what was I thinking... Yunho Hyung’s not that much better than Heechul Hyung anyway!’ and Changmin explained to Kyu, the way he told Yunho. And later, Boa was asking the same question (‘Yunho told me, but I need your point of view, Changmin. Did you two fight?’) and when he explained _again_ to Boa, Taeyeon was passing by and ‘Omo! Oppa why you move out? What happen between you and Yunho Oppa?’ and then he had to repeat his reasons about moving out to Shinee hoobaes when he was telling Minho. And he received a different question from Taemin; ‘But Hyung, is Yunho Hyung okay with this?’ and his reply was only a ‘Why not?’

 

“Well I just speak out my mind. Why you want to do that?”

 

“Doesn’t it occur to you that Yunho Hyung is the one who wanted to move out first?” yeah, really. How could nobody expected that?!

 

“And what, Changmin, watching Cruella de Ville wearing glass shoes and sleep in enternity?”

 

“Wow Hyung, when you say it like that-“

 

“It’s impossible, right! Yunh-“

 

“I was thinking that it was so so so different with our topic but whatever, yeah.”

 

“What I’m talking about is, Yunho Hyung is not the type who... uh, how do you say... don’t want to be left alone?” Junsu guessed. “But I don’t know if he’s changed already...” his voice was getting smaller.

“Yeah I would’ve think that way too... but, well... as a matter of fact, he enjoy himself just fine lately.” said Changmin honestly. Yunho was busy with Jaejoong, okay.

 

“But you know Yunho Hyung...” interrupted Junsu. “Don’t you afraid he’ll burn the house?”

 

Changmin laughed. “He’ll do fine. We went to the supermarket some days ago to restock the toiletries and buy some cereals for breakfast. We usually order out for lunch and dinner anyway, so he didn’t have to cook. I already teach him to fry nuggets and told him not to use the microwave to cook eggs. He can cook ramyeon in emergency. I’ll remind him to collect his dirty clothes for laundry. Yunho Hyung will survive, Hyung.”

 

Junsu was still. But then he laughed quietly. “If I don’t know you better, I thought you fall in love with Yunho Hyung, Minnie.” Junsu laughed.

 

“You don’t know me better, Hyung.” said Changmin playfully. _Because I already am._

“Huh? What do you mean?” Junsu asked dumbly.

 

“It means, Cruella de Ville eating poisoned apple and dance with the frog.”

 

Junsu laughed happily at this.

 

“Hey Min, who’s that?” somebody tapped his shoulder.

 

It was Yunho.

 

Changmin turned around and disconnected the call quickly. “Nothing! Hehee...” he covered his nervousness with an awkward laugh.

 

“Ahh~ really?” Yunho raised one of his eyebrow.

 

“Hahahaha...” Changmin continued to laugh and took his bag from the seat next to him.

 

 

“Okay if you don’t want to tell me, then...” Yunho teased. “I’ll checked your phone when you’re not around.” he stuck out his tongue.

 

“Funny, Hyung...” he walked side by side with Yunho.

 

“Is it that actress friend, huh?”

 

Changmin thought, it was better than telling him that he was _actually_ talking with Junsu. “Well,” he said, shyly.

 

Yunho was amused. “Yah! Changmin! You should’ve tell me! Ahh but the dancers already here...”

 

“I’ll tell you nothing, Hyung.”

 

“I’ll check your phone anyway.”

 

And when Yunho was streching, Changmin texted Junsu an apology for turned off the phone in a sudden, because he had to rehearse and Yunho was there. He received an ‘it’s okay’ and a ‘hwaiting!’ a little later.

 

He turned off his phone and put it in a small pocket, secured in his bag. It wouldn’t be fun if Yunho really checked his phone.

 

*

 

It was almost a month since Changmin out of their shared apartment. And everything was fine eversince. Except, yeah, Changmin had no one to look after, nothing to clean- nothing. His life was easier, but it didn’t mean he liked it better. It took some time to get used to; living without Yunho.

 

But well, he met Yunho too often to miss him late at night. They were busy attending music shows and talk shows. Their schedule finished late at night usually. And Changmin had no energy left to think about anything.

 

Yunho had visited his new place several times but hadn’t stayed overnight. Changmin also stopped over at Yunho’s, their old apartment, because there was some of his things he left there, and he came to pick it up. Or not.

 

And Changmin oftenly wonder why he even moved out at the first place when he had his evening snack. With a cup of warm green tea and any delicacies from the bakery in the downstreet he bought earlier.

 

Then he cursed himself later because it reminded him about what he wanted to forget the most.

 

*

 

“Vulgar Porn Lover.” Junsu answered, when Changmin asked ‘What’s my name in your cellphone?’

 

“Yah!” Changmin shouted. “You kidding me. Really, tell me Hyung...”

 

“Why do you want to know?”

 

“You didn’t put my _real_ name right?”

 

“As if it isn’t a right thing to do!”

 

“Hyung!” Changmin _almost_ whined. “What if...” he felt a bit doubtful, but said it nonetheless. “Jaejoong Hyung and Yoochun Hyung find out?”

 

Junsu scoffed. “I’m living alone at my apartment. I only call when I’m home. Hey, what’s my name in your phone anyway?”

 

“I asked first. You tell me.”

 

“Okay. It’s Changmin, okay.”

 

“Hyung!”

 

“What? It’s not like you’re the only one Changmin in Korea!”

 

“Aish, Hyung, you really-“

 

Junsu’s door bell rang. “Wait, wait.” he walked to the door. “Ya! It’s Yoochun and Jaejoong Hyung!”

“Huh? What?” Changmin asked.

 

“They’re at my door.” Junsu whispered to his phone.

 

“Well?” Changmin was silent. But Junsu didn’t disconnect their call. “Hyung! It’s not like I’m hiding in your apartment! Just  open the door anyway!”

 

“Ah, right. Then, see you Minnie.” Junsu quickly opened the door. “Aah Hyung!”

 

“Ya, what are you doing? We were waiting.” said Jaejoong, taking off his shoes.

 

“Uh, I was from the bathroom.” Junsu said, stepped back to give his guests some space.

 

“Why you bring your phone, then?” asked Yoochun, pointing Junsu’s hand which held his cellphone.

 

“I was calling someone.” _shit! I should’ve said I played a game or whatever!_

“In the bathroom? Seriously Junsu...” Jaejoong laughed and invited himself inside.

 

“Ugh, you better not calling me when you take a dump.” Yoochun followed Jaejoong.

 

“Who was that anyway?”

 

“Hyung.”

 

By Hyung meant; Junho. Jae and Yoochun already knew this. Because well, it was an easy lie. Junsu would connect to his twin whenever and wherever. Even in the bathroom, when he took a dump even.

 

*

 

“So, what are you doing now?” Jaejoong asked.

 

“I just got home. This is our last schedule in this week.” Yunho said, putting his bag down.

 

“Really?”

 

Yunho hummed. “What about your day? Aren’t you tired? It’s already 11. Don’t you need your beauty sleep?”

 

Jaejoong laughed awkwardly. “I was waiting to call you.”

 

“Ah, why you do that. You can just text me.” Yunho grinned and took a bootle of water and drink it.

 

“But I have to, for this...” Jaejoong’s tone became serious. “I want to talk about something.”

 

Yunho was becoming hyperaware. He sat on the couch and put down his bottle on the coffee table. “About?”

 

“Us.”

 

“What about us?” Yunho disliked this atmostphere.

 

“You know, when we watched romantic movies, the couple said that  their relationship doesn’t work out. I always think that that’s nonsense. They don’t try to work it out, that’s why they broke up. You know what I’m sayin?” Jaejoong started.

 

Yunho didn’t answered. He thought all of the possibilities where this conversation was heading to.

 

“But I try, Yunho. But it doesn’t work out.” Jaejoong sounded tired.

 

“What doesn’t work out?” said Yunho quickly.

 

“ _This_. Us. Our relationship.”

 

Yunho felt like a thin vulnerable glass, fell down from such a height to the concrete floor.

 

“I’m so sorry Yunho.”

 

Yunho couldn’t say anything. His brain didn’t function well. He couldn’t breathe, was he even breathing?

 

Jaejoong knew Yunho was listening so he continued. “I already gave up at first. But then, you called me. And I thought, we couldn’t do this. But you keep contacting me, and I think, you try so hard, I can’t let you down just like that.”

 

“So finally you answered me back.” Yunho added.

 

“Yes.” Jaejoong gulped.

 

“Then what?” Yunho’s voice trembled.

 

“I already-“ Jaejoong sighed. “I... I just...”

 

“Am I not enough?” Yunho spoke up, gathered his courage to ask.

 

“It’s not about you.” Jaejoong replied.

 

“Yeah, but us.” Yunho hissed.

 

“Yunho, you don’t understand,”

 

“I don’t Jae, we were fine. You said that you gave me a chance, gave us a chance to be together. I can’t see what’s wrong, since you already know the concequences being a realtionship with me, but still, you chose to be with me. We’re in love, we-” Yunho stopped.

 

He realized something.

 

“Or we _were_. You... do you love me Jaejoong?” Yunho’s question was more like a plea.

 

Jaejoong sobbed. “I try, Yun...”

 

“I love you. You know that, and I really am, in love with you, Jaejoong.” Yunho said firmly. “Do you?”

 

“I did, but-“

 

“Not anymore.” Yunho finished the sentence himself.

 

Jaejoong was really crying. “I’m sorry Yunho, I try, you have to believe me. But it was so hard...”

 

“Why...” whispered Yunho sadly. “Why don’t you tell me that? Why you tell me that you love me _too_?”

 

“I already told you.” replied Jaejoong desperately. “I wanted to give it a chance, but it gets harder, we can’t even meet. And it has to stop, because it hurts me, and I know I’m hurting you too, and I-“ Jaejoong took a breath. “I just can’t anymore, Yunho.”

 

“You deceived me.” Yunho said after a long pause.

 

“I don’t wanna lie to you, Yunho.”

 

*

 

They had two days off. He wanted to visit Yunho, but he thought that the leader needed some rest, and of course he could use some too. So, the next day Changmin bought several dish from their favourite restaurant and went to Yunho’s to have lunch together.

 

And Changmin greeted a lifeless body on the couch.

 

He put down the food on the counter and came to Yunho. “Hyung? You okay?”

 

Yunho opened his eyes slowly. He didn’t look at Changmin, but just staring blankly to the wall in front of him.

 

“Yunho Hyung?” Changmin called again softly. “You sick? Do you feel pain? Are you-“

 

“It’s over.”

 

Changmin stilled. “What... what’s over Hyung?”

 

“It’s not even over when we didn’t even get started right?” Yunho’s voice was smaller than a whisper.

 

Changin settled himself near Yunho, holding Yunho’s right arm.

 

“But we were something...” Yunho continued.

 

Changmin didn’t understand. What was that? Yunho’s eyes were puffy and teary now. Changmin decided to make a cup of tea to calm his hyung.

 

“He doesn’t love me, Changmin.” Yunho said.

 

Changmin stopped and turned to Yunho.

 

“Jaejoong... he broke up with me.” Yunho finally spoke up, his tears rolled down. “I still love him.”

 

Changmin watched Yunho torn into pieces, and every of that pieces, was for Jaejoong only.

 

“Why?” Changmin asked quietly.

 

“He said it’s hard to do, being in love with me. We’re not real. We can’t meet. It’s hard but he tried. He doesn’t love me. Not anymore.” Yunho muttered sadly, his cheeks wet with tears. “What should I do, Changmin? What should I do? I can’t just let him go like that... what did I do wrong?”

 

Changmin wanted to cry. For multiple reasons. For seeing Yunho like this, broken and desperate. For knowing that Yunho’s love for Jaejoong couldn’t die. For knowing his love for Yunho wouldn’t repair him.

 

“It’s okay Hyung, it’s gonna be okay...” Changmin rubbed Yunho’s back, tried to calm him down. “Just give it a little time.”

 

“Long time has passed already and nothing’s fine.” Yunho said in despair.

 

“Just... give Jaejoong Hyung some time. You need it too.” Changmin held Yunho gently.

 

“I need _him_. Can’t he see it... I can’t without him...” Yunho started to cry awfully.

 

_Can’t you see it Hyung, can’t you see me. I love you. I’ll be your everything. I’ll do everything you want, everything to make you happy. I’d rather kill myself than cause you these tears. Can’t you let me love you? Is it too hard, Hyung? How long do I have to wait?_

Changmin hugged Yunho tighter and felt his shoulder wet with tears. He couldn’t decide what hurted him the most, sad Yunho with tears rolling down his cheek or happy Yunho with Jaejoong on the phone.

 

*

 

Yunho wasn’t getting any better a week after the break up. Changmin stayed at Yunho’s place more often since the break up, but still went to his home afterwards. They finished today’s schedule early. Changmin wanted to have lunch at their usual restaurant, but Yunho said he wanted to go home and rest.

 

Yunho didn’t went out and play anymore. It concerned Changmin. But he understood that Yunho still need more time. Still, in the evening, he bought dinner for them and going to Yunho’s place.

 

He went in since Yunho hadn’t change their lock code. And Changmin gave a duplicate of his apartment key to Yunho in exchange.

 

“Hyung? I buy dinner...” Changmin turned on the lights. Why the lights were off anyway? Was Yunho going out?

 

Changmin called Yunho’s phone. “Hyung, where are you?”

 

“Oh, Changmin... Changmin...?” Yunho voice was unclear.

 

Was he drunk. “Yes Hyung, where are you?”

 

“I went out for some drink. Do you want to join me?”

 

“Yes, Hyung. But where are you?”

“Soondae bar downstairs... come on hurry up.”

 

“Okay, I’ll be there in a moment Hyung.” Changmin put his phone back in his pocket and heading downstairs. The soondae bar was just a few meters from Yunho’s apartment. Changmin was running, but it was unintended. He was just a bit worry. But Yunho seemed fine, at least he didn’t drunk enough, he could tell Changmin his location at least.

 

“Hyung...” Changmin was panting. He found Yunho in the corner of the snackbar, alone and cold. With three bottles of soju- _empty_ bottles of soju on the table. “How many did you drink already?”

 

“Not much.” Yunho was gulping his next bottle.

 

“Min,”

 

“Hm?” Changmin could smell soju in Yunho’s breath now.

 

“Do you think how many it takes to make me drunk?” Yunho was knocking the bottle he held with the other.

 

“I don’t know, Hyung.” Changmin held the empty bottles to prevent it from falling.

 

“Tsk, I should’ve count, right?”

 

“Right.” Changmin put the bottles away from Yunho.

 

Yunho was drinking the rest of his bottle. “Do you think I should order another?”

 

“Maybe.” Changmin was just staring at Yunho. His eyes were red, so did his nose and cheeks.

 

“Do you want one?”

 

“I guess.”

 

“Wait here.” Yunho was succeed at stading up, but he couldn’t even walk in a straight line.

 

“Stay, Hyung.” Changmin stood up and took Yunho back to his seat. “I’ll order.”

 

Not long after, Changmin back with two bottles of soju.

 

“Why did you only bring two? It’s not enough!” Yunho took one from Changmin even before the younger man sat.

 

“It’s okay. You can have mine.”

 

“Still, it won’t be enough.” Yunho was already busy drinking the content of his bottle. “Changmin,”

 

“Yes, Hyung?” Changmin didn’t drink his soju.

 

“I think... alcohol is amazing, isn’t it?” Yunho was eyeing his bottles. “You know, it cleans bacteria or whatever... what will... does it clear your mind when you drink it? There’s alcohol in soju too, right?”

 

“I think so.”

 

“It doesn’t help, you know?” Yunho was swinging his bottle rather dangerously.

 

“What doesn’t help?”

 

“This.” Yunho lifted the bottles weakly. “I still can’t forget him.”

 

After another five bottles of soju, Yunho couldn’t even lift his head from the table.

 

“Hyung, do you want to go home now?” Changmin asked clearly, but softly.

 

Yunho muttered a yes.

 

“Okay, let’s go.” Changmin put some money on the table and put on his hood and Yunho’s. He took Yunho’s arm around his shoulder and lift him up. “You can walk, right?”

 

“I wanna go home...” Yunho mumbled.

 

“Yes, we’re going home.” Changmin carried his hyung out and walked on the cold street, on their way home to Yunho’s. After they arrived, Changmin put Yunho on his bed on sitting position and took off Yunho’s jacket and shoes.

 

“Jaejoong, don’t leave me.” Yunho held Changmin’s waist when the other was standing up.

Changmin froze.

 

“Jae, don’t leave me. I love you. I don’t wanna be alone. Stay with me, _please_...” Yunho was sobbing.

 

Changmin felt his stomach was hot and wet, where Yunho’s face pressed upon.

 

“I love you, don’t leave me.” Yunho was holding him with the energy he had left.

 

“Hyung,” Changmin put his hands on Yunho’s shoulder. “I’m not Jaejoong.” he pushed softly. “I’m Changmin. Changmin is here.” he put Yunho to lay on the bed.

 

“Min,” Yunho was crying, he still held Changmin’s hand. “Don’t leave me.”

 

“I won’t Hyung, I’m here.” Changmin took off his shoes and laying side by side with Yunho.

 

Yunho turned to face him. “I love him a lot, Changmin. Do you know how it feels, when someone you love doesn’t love you? It hurts, it hurts...”

 

 “I know. I know how it feels, Hyung.” Changmin let his tear fell, and cry with his Hyung.

 

*

 

“Hyung,” Changmin patted Yunho softly. “Hyung, wake up.”’

 

They were in the airport, on their way home from Japan.

 

“Hyung, we have to go now.” said Changmin, after Yunho showed some sign of waking up.

 

“Ah... okay.” Yunho stood up and followed Changmin to the plane.

 

Changmin felt bad for interrupting Yunho’s sleep, especially since his hyung almost had none of it lately. He thought their hectic schedule was a good thing, it could distract Yunho from Jaejoong. But not really. His energetic hyung wasn’t as energetic as usual, as smiley as usual, as bright as usual, as happy as ever.

 

But it had been more than a month. Yunho should’ve got over it already, rite?

 

After their lunch, Yunho continued to doze off in the plane. His headphone was still on, attached to his iPod. Changmin reached for his iPod and unlocked it.

 

Yunho was listening to a song.

 

_Still in Love - Jaejoong_

Well.

 

That was totally make sense.

 

Changmin put the iPod on Yunho’s lap and turned into the window.

 

And finally, the tears fell.

 

*

 

“Where are you?” Junsu asked.

 

“Just arrived home. From Japan.” Changmin threw his bag to his bag. His baggage was still in the living room. He would unpack later.

 

“With Yunho Hyung?”

 

“Yeah, of course.” Changmin sighed. “Hyung...” he whispered. “Do you, by any chance, know that...”

 

Changmin was contemplating whether he should ask Junsu, or not.

 

But whatever. Junsu was his brother after all.

 

 

“Yunho Hyung and Jaejoong Hyung broke up?”

 

There was silent.

 

“I thought they already have when... when we seperated...” Junsu muttered.

 

Changmin sighed heavily.

 

“You mean, he still... wait, but they broke up? When is this happening?” Junsu sounded curious but shock at the same time.

 

“They contacted each other, you know. But they broke up like two months ago.” Changmin sat on his bed, facing the window.

 

“Well, he told me he contacted Yunho Hyung ages ago. But he didn’t tell me about their relationship. I thought that was it.” Junsu mumbled. “Maybe he told Yoochun...” he added, almost sadly.

 

“Yeah...” Changmin didn’t know what to say.

“So, is Yunho Hyung okay?” Junsu asked.

“No. He’s broken.” Changmin closed his eyes to prevent any tears to come out.

 

Junsu sounded like he was going to tell something, but said nothing.

 

“It’s unfair, you know.” his words just came out like that. “I know Jaejoong was his first, Hyung. But doesn’t he understand that it’s over already? That Jaejoong doesn’t love him the way he is. Can’t he just let go? Why is he holding into someone who doesn’t want him or even need him?” Changmin took a breath.

 

“Do you know I’m the one who stay, I always stand by him. I take care of him. I cook and clean our home. I always make sure he eat well and get enough rest.”

 

“I make him happy, Hyung. He told me that. Don’t ever think about suffering, I won’t let him hurt even a bit. I laugh and cry with him.” Changmin’s voice was shaky.

 

“But what did Jaejoong do? He hurt him, Hyung. He made him cry. He made him so desperate and change _my_ Yunho.” Changmin let his tears fell.

 

“ _I love him,_ Hyung. Why didn’t he know that? How can he doesn’t understand?” Changmin chest was aching. His face already wet with tears. “My heart hurts Hyung, I don’t know it would feel like this.”

 

Junsu was listening patiently and was only speaking after Changmin finished. “Do you want me to come over?”

 

Junsu never asked where Changmin lived, or said that he wanted to visit him. But Junsu knew that Changmin needed someone, although the maknae maybe thought that he’d better be alone.

 

*

 

Yunho dropped off at his apartment while the driver continued to take Changmin to his place. After put his baggage in his apartment and washed his face, he felt hungry. It was 5. Too early for dinner. But Changmin _always_ hungry no matter when.

 

Yunho was going to the basement, took his own car and was planning to pick Changmin up to go eat together.

 

Changmin’s apartment wasn’t that far, but wasn’t near enough to go on foot. He arrived in ten minutes, took the elevator and opened the door with the key Changmin gave him.

 

He shouldn’t do that. He should ring the bell. But why should he? Changmin never ring the bell when he visited Yunho.

 

But if Yunho _did_ ring the bell, maybe he wouldn’t overhear Changmin’s conversation with whoever on the phone.

 

No, he wouldn’t have known about what Changmin was talking about. He wouldn’t know about Changmin’s opinion. He wouldn’t know about Changmin’s feeling.

 

*

 

“Do you want me to come over?”

 

Changmin let out a little laugh. “That’s silly Hyung.” he wiped his face with his bare hands. “That was just-“ he turned to look for a tissue.

 

Yunho was standing there. Outside his bedroom door. But Changmin could see him, frozen on the floor.

 

“I’m fine. I’ll call you later, okay.” Changmin disconnected the call, his eyes was still on Yunho. His heart was stop beating.

 

“Changmin,” Yunho finally said. “I-“

 

Changmin waited. For something. For anything.

 

“Is it true?” Yunho whispered after he came over, closer to the bed.

 

“Yes.” Changmin’s voice was smaller.

 

They were still for a long time. But no one minded.

 

 “That you-“ _love me?_

 

“Yes.” Changmin gulped down his nervousness. “Yes, I love you, Hyung.” he didn’t know whether Yunho was looking at him. Changmin couldn’t look at his eyes.

 

“And I thought that maybe you could feel the same way. But I realized that you _still_ in love with someone else. But maybe at least, you would feel something... anything, for me.” Changmin stopped. “But then again, nothing.”

 

“Changmin,” Yunho called softly.

 

Changmin didn’t want to hear Yunho’s voice. He was too affraid. Too affraid of the answer, too affraid of what Yunho thought of him.

 

“I don’t know what to say...”

 

“No Hyung, you don’t have to say anything. It doesn’t matter. Just forget it.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“You did nothing wrong. Don’t apologize.”

 

“I hurt you.”

 

Changmin lifted his head to stare back at Yunho. “It’s the risk I’m willing to take.”

 

*

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Then he realized it, everything reminded him of Changmin. Changmin maybe thought of Yunho everytime he saw straberry, and well, 5 years olds. But the more Yunho saw, the more he thought, the more he realized.

“Yeah I’m fine ok! Stop talking bout it already hyung.”

 

“Is it fine for me to tease u about it?”

 

Yoochun and Jaejoong were in his apartment. Junsu knew it was risky. But he couldn’t help it. It was the first time after Changmin’s confession to Yunho. Junsu tried to call him several time before, but that was the first time Changmin answered it.

_“_ I wish you a major fail on ur musical.”

 

“Wow I guess u really are okay then. You back to your old self.”

 

“Junsu yah, who’s that?” Jaejoong was flipping through a magazine.

 

“Huh?” Junsu said absentmindedly.

 

“Who’s that?” Jaejoong repeated his question.

 

“Hyung.” Junsu answered.

 

“Huh?” this time it was Changmin.

 

“No, it was Jaejoong.” Junsu said, to the phone.

 

“What! Why didn’t you-“

 

“It’s fine, _Hyung.”_ Junsu added deliberately.

 

“Okay dongsaeng, let’s talk later, yeah? Anyeong Junsu yah!” Changmin laughed.

 

Junsu lauged too, at least he could make Changmin happy.

 

“Yah, Junsu, Junho just asked whether I’m with you now.” Yoochun said, he was showing the text on his phone.

 

 _“_ What?” Junsu widened his eyes.

 

“He said he couldn’t call you, your phone was busy and he wants to talk about the resort.” Yoochun added.

 

Jaejoong finally turned away from his magazine.

 

“Junsu, who’s that?”

 

*

 

Changmin was back to his old self. Yunho did too. Or at least he did try.

 

And yeah, he finally got over his broke up with Jaejoong. Well, how could he still thinking about it? Changmin’s confession made his mind full already. Along with his drama script. Well lucky him. They were busy with their seperated schedule. Changmin was also busy with his new variety show.

 

Yunho wondered if he should talk to Changmin about this. But what would he say?

 

Changmin, in the other hand, felt nothing. Keeping the feeling for himself is not bad, confessing to Yunho didn’t make it worse or better either. But he did think about it.

 

A lot.

 

He was reading the book for his next Moonlight Prince filming, just to realize that he didn’t get what he read nearly half of it.

 

He thought what would Yunho think about his words. What would they become. What would happen after. What would happen if Yunho didn’t know how he feels.

 

They finally met for a concert rehearsal.

 

“Okay, let’s rest for 30 minutes, shall we?” Yunho announced after a three hours nonstop dance practice.

 

Changmin excused himself to go out and buy a drink. Yunho tagged along.

 

“Hyung, you could just tell me what you want and I can buy it for you.” Changmin said as they wait in front of the lift.

 

“I wanna come.” Yunho said.

 

Well.

 

That was the first time Changmin felt awkward to be in the same room with Yunho. Yunho was dying to create a simple conversation. But he couldn’t. Both of them couldn’t be less any grateful when a _ding_ later, they arrived at the first floor.

 

“So, uh... Min, what do you want?” they were standing in front of a vending machine.

 

“You pick first Hyung.”

 

“Oh, banana milk! I haven’t had it for a while.” Yunho pushed the button for the banana milk and reached into his sweatpants pocket. “Ah...”

 

“Seriously, Hyung.” Changmin was speechless.

 

In Yunho hand, there were pieces of cash.

 

“You _do_ know you use coins in vending machine, right?” Changmin was looking at Yunho intensely.

 

“Uh,” Yunho was nervous for some unknown reason. Just like when Changmin caught him wearing shoes into their shared apartment. Like when Yunho mistaken Changmin’s toothbrush as his. Like when Yunho forgot to throw away ramyon wrapping after cooking it. Like when Yunho got out from the bathroom wet and made water trail on the floor.

 

“Hyung!”

 

Yunho snapped back to present life. “Well I was in a rush, okay! You were leaving rather quickly earlier...”

 

Changmin sighed. “You could just tell me to wait.” he reached to his own pocket, took some coins and paid for Yunho’s banana milk.

 

“Oh!” something was distracting Yunho. “I didn’t know there’s strawberry milk?”

 

“Do you ever use this vending machine, Hyung?” Changmin crouched down to take the banana milk. “Here...”

 

But Yunho didn’t took it. “The bottle is very cute, Changmin. I never see it before...” Yunho was busy staring to the strawberry milk.

 

“You want it?” Changmin asked.

 

“What?” Yunho finally shifted his gaze toward Changmin.

 

“Do you want it, Hyung?” Changmin repeated his question.

 

“You already bought me the banana milk. Thank you, Changmin ah...” Yunho took the banana milk from Changmin’s hand.

 

“It’s okay, Hyung. Do you want that one?” Changmin softened his voice.

 

“But...” Yunho was eyeing the banana milk in his hand hesitantly.

 

“I can have that one.” Changmin said simply, and bought the strawberry milk Yunho wanted.

 

“It’s not neces- whoa thank you, Changmin!” Yunho received the round pink strawberry bottle with bright eyes.

 

“Yeah, yeah.” Changmin stabbed the banana milk with a straw and drank it.

 

*

 

Changmin was bored to death. Then he was wondering whether he should call Junsu or not. But then he thought, why? But Junsu also called him without any reason at all. He just called. And they’d talk about anything.

 

Yeah. Let’s call him anyway.

 

“Hello?”

 

“Hyung, what ar-“ Changmin stopped his words as soon as he realized something.

 

He wasn’t Junsu.

 

The voice was different.

 

“Hello, Junsu is unavailable now. May I know who is this?”

 

Damn.

 

It was Yoochun!

 

Changmin cursed himself to not realized that greasy voice earlier.

 

He then did a very wise thing he should’ve done at the first place; disconnect the call.

 

Why the hell Yoochun answered his call? Didn’t he learn about privacy, not to  answer anyone’s call if it was not his phone!

 

But then Changmin remembered he _did_ answered Yunho’s call sometime ago. And well, Yoochun’s too, long time ago. But that was only because the phone was ringing noisily and the caller was their family, okay. Changmin didn’t want to make Yunho’s dad or Yoochun’s mom worry about their son.

 

Junsu better had change his name from Changmin into something else. But... it meant he did, didn’t he? Because Yoochun was asking his name.

 

Oh.

And he was lucky Yoochun didn’t recognize his voice.

*

“Why am I big nose, Hyung?!”

 

“You mentioned it in your show a while ago!”

 

“But it doesn’t mean-“ Changmin was ready to rant. “You watch my show?”

 

“Yeah. Didn’t I told you since the first time I watch you on tv?” Junsu chuckled.

 

“What did Yoochun said?”

 

“He said Mr Big Nose was calling. But he turned off the phone suddenly. He said I should change your name to Strange Ahjussi.”

 

“Yah, I’m not an Ahjussi.” Changmin protested.

 

“You are. You’re an Ahjussi for kids already. I saw Gods of Victory, you know. And that boy was saying Changmin Ahjussi, hwaiting! And your face was like-“

 

“You watched that?” Changmin cut him off.

 

“I did.” Junsu smiled. “Yunho Hyung was talking a lot.”

 

“Yeah, he did.”

 

“And during that crying game, I didn’t expect you guys would win, actually.”

 

“We didn’t either.” Changmin voice was getting smaller. “Hyung, so... Yoochun Hyung didn’t recognize my voice?”

 

“Yeah. He just said- wait. You talk to him? What did you say?”

 

“I speak something like hi or hello or hyung maybe. But I speak something.”

 

“Well. He didn’t say a word about it.” Junsu was trying to remember any sign of curiousity on Yoochun’s face. “If Jaejoong Hyung was the one receiving your call, do you think he’d recognize your voice?”

 

“Yoochun Hyung didn’t. Why would Jae Hyung?”

 

“Changmin ah, don’t you think it’s okay to tell the others that we’re contacting each other?”

 

“Why?” Changmin snapped quickly.

 

“Just... well... why not? Yunho Hyung told you that he called Jaejoong Hyung, right? And Jaejoong Hyung told me too...” Junsu had been uneasy since Yoochun and Jaejoong knew that he was lying about his phonecall with Changmin, disguised it as call from Junho.

 

“Hyung, no. He told you, yes. But did he told you about his break up with Yunho Hyung? No, right? No. We don’t need to tell them.”

 

“What about Yoochun, then? You like him, right? Well I mean, he’s your favourite obviously, since he was the only member you’ve never hit before...”

 

“Yeah, what’s the difference, Hyung? Telling Yoochun means telling Jaejoong. And don’t lie to yourself, you know that Yoochun know it was over between Jaejoong and Yunho and he’s not telling you.” Changmin started to feel sorry for Junsu. But nothing could stop his words.

 

Junsu didn’t need a pity. “But what about Yunho Hyung, then?”

 

Changmin couldn’t find a reason to refuse, but he didn’t have any to accept it either. “I’m not ready, Hyung. Just let everything like this now. Everything’s fine.”

 

“How do you know you’re not ready, Min ah. Just like when I called you for the very first time. You wouldn’t know.”

 

*

Changmin was dead tired with the concert. He knew he could sleep on the plane, but it wasn’t the same as sleeping on a proper bed with a proper pillow under a proper blanket.

 

They were boarding the plane as soon as the concert ended. Changmin felt like he just closed his eyes, but Yunho woke him up, told him that they were arrived already.

 

“Min, let’s just stay over at my place, okay? It’s already late.” Yunho said.

 

Wait. When did he arrived at Yunho’s apartment? Changmin didn’t remember he got in the car.

 

“Changmin, come on.” Yunho jumped off the car and thanked the driver. “Changmin, come. I already got your bag.”

 

Changmin was getting off lazily. Barely opened his eyes. He just followed Yunho and flopped into the bed as soon as he saw one. Dying to have that proper sleep.

 

When he opened his eyes the next morning, Changmin remembered that he was in their old apartment. Yunho’s apartment.

 

He was yawning. A little stretching, and decided to get up to have something to fill his empty stomach. When he was out from his room, Yunho just got out from the bathroom.

 

“Morning Min! Awake already?” greeted Yunho happily.

 

“Yeah. Hungry.” answered Changmin, walked straight to the kitchen.

 

“I don’t have much...” Yunho was rummaging the fridge. “But there’s still some milk and cereals.”

 

“Thank you.” Changmin said, as Yunho served a bowl of cereal in front of him, and pour some milk.

 

“You’re not filming today?” Yunho asked, eating some cereal from the box. He was standing, leaning to the table while Changmin was sitting in front of him.

 

“Nah. Tomorrow.” Changmin was busy muching. “What about Hyung?”

 

“I have one in the evening. Have to be there at 4.”

 

Changmin checked the clock. 10 already. “Oh. How was it?”

 

“What, filming?”

 

Changmin nodded.

 

“It’s okay. What about yours?”

 

“It’s fun.”

 

“I bet. You laugh and smile a lot.”

 

“And you cry a lot in your drama.” Changmin retorted. He finished his breakfast and was bringing his bowl to the wash basin.

 

“No, no, just leave it. I’ll wash it later.” Yunho was coming closer to Changmin.

 

“It’s just-“ Changmin couldn’t finish his words.

 

He didn’t expect Yunho’s face was this close to his when he turned his head to his left side. Yunho’s hands was on his left arm, tried to stop him to clean.

 

Changmin could see the brown color in Yunho’s almond eyes. And that straight nose. And those lips.

 

He could feel Yunho’s breath on his mouth. Guessed Yunho could feel the same.

 

Yunho’s eyes was also busy tracing Changmin’s gorgeous face.

 

Did Changmin shift closer? Or did Yunho? Because he could feel a very soft skin on his lips. Just a smooth graze on his lips.

 

It was just a touch on each other’s lips and Changmin felt his heart was beating like crazy.

 

It was over unknowingly, just like when it was begin.

 

Yunho was looking deep into his eyes and Changmin couldn’t take this anymore.

 

Changmin dared himself to put his hand on Yunho’s neck and his thumb on Yunho’s jaw. He slipped his right hand to Yunho’s left arm.

 

He leaned into Yunho and pressed his lips into him softly and closed his eyes.

 

So this is what it’s like. Kissing someone you love. It’s not like fireworks. Not like heaven. Not like a roller coaster ride. Not sweet like honey and soft like feather.

 

It’s Yunho.

 

Changmin pulled back slowly, didn’t realize he had teary eyes. He didn’t know why.

 

Yunho’s hand touched Changmin’s which was on his jaw.

 

And he smiled.

 

And Changmin had lost any reason to think about anything else. So he smiled back.

 

*

 

So what now?

 

Changmin kissed Yunho yesterday.

 

Then what?

 

Yunho touched his lips. He could still remember Changmin’s lips on his. It was softer than he’d imagine. Not that he imagined Min’s lips before. But after he kiss him, Yunho had been thinking a lot of Changmin’s lips.

 

What? NO!

 

Was Changmin really like Yunho?

 

After that kiss, he hadn’t hear anything from the maknae. Yunho received a call that he had to be in the shooting location earlier.

 

He wanted to talk about _something_ with Changmin. But all he heard from the younger man was “Hurry, you’re gonna be late, Hyung.” and a search of wallet later, Yunho left the apartment and hadn’t come back since.

 

Yunho wanted to know what was going on, but he himself confused with his feeling, with himself. So maybe it was good the way it was; unknown.

 

*

 

“What the hell, Hyung, you DEAD? WHAT THE HELL!!” Changmin was yelling.

 

“Shhh, Changmin don’t screaming like that it’s night already.” Yunho was chuckling through the phone.

 

“Hyung, really. This is why I _need_ to know the script. So I can decide whether I shall or shall not watching this stu- ehem, drama.” Changmin holding the phone tighter than necessary. That stupid word almost slipped from his sharp tongue. No, Changmin, don’t say that to your hyung’s drama.

 

He was calling Yunho straight after he made sure that Yunho’s character in Yawang was dead.

 

Yep. Confirmed.

 

“It’s not stupid, Changmin.” Yunho said firmly.

 

 _Oops_. “I’m not watching this anymore.”

 

“How is it possible, maknae?”

 

“They kill you, Hyung! I only watching because it has you in it.”

 

“Now now let me corect you, Changdol. _I_ do not dead, Baek Do Hoon does. And they didn’t kill me, Soo Ae did, okay. So if you really watching the entire drama, it’s really worth it Changmin-ah, don’t you curious about the ending?”

 

“Hyung you’re dead. The story is over. That is the end.”

 

Oh how could Yunho forgot that Changmin sometimes more stubborn than him. “Yeah I know I am! But I’m still here right!”

 

“Uh huh. So remind me when Yawang shows on TV again, because I’m so gonna avoid the channel.”

 

Yunho laughed. “I appreciate you worship my character a lot but that’s just too much, Min.”

 

“They kill you, Hyung!”

 

Yeah. Definitely more stubborn than Yunho.

 

“What are you doing?” Yunho tried to change the subject. Although Changmin’s nagging about his dead drama character was amusing, Yunho knew it wasn’t healthy.

 

“I’m googling Yawang script writer so I could terror his family.”

 

Yunho didn’t tell him that the script writer was a female. “You’re not eating, huh?”

 

“Now that you mention it, I think I’m hungry.” Changmin stood up from his sofa and going to the kitchen.

 

“You haven’t eat dinner?”

 

“It almost midnight, Hyung.”

 

“So?”

 

“Of course I already have!” Changmin was rummaging his refrigerator. A slice of strawberry cheesecake. “You already eat, Hyung?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Yeah? What did you eat?”

 

“I already eat dinner.”

 

“Yeah, I’m asking the menu.” Changmin took a spoon and ready to devour the cake.

 

“...”

 

“You’re not eating, are you?” Changmin stopped his activity. “You haven’t eat dinner?”

 

“I said I already-“

 

“Have you, Hyung?”

 

How he hated his unability to lie. Seriously Yunho, he could name any kind of food and it would be over. “I haven’t.”

 

“Geez, Hyung!” Changmin stabbed the ivory cake angrily. “You really want to dead like Baek Do Hoon, aren’t you!? Hyung! It almost midnight and you haven’t eat dinner? Do you wanna get sick or do you wanna go straight to death like Baek Do Hoon? Why didn’t you eat?”

 

“I’m not hungry...” Yunho voice was small.

 

“Yeah, listen Hyung, you’re not eating is not an advantage for me. You see, it’s not like I can eat your food if you’re not eating it. SO EAT!”

 

Yunho wanted to laugh because what Changmin said wasn’t make sense at all. But he was afraid. Well a little.

 

“Don’t you have any food? You still have ramyeon, right?” Changmin continued to talk even his mouth was full.

 

“You’re eating now?”

 

“Hyung I’m asking you first.”

 

“Yeah, yeah I still have...”

 

“Good. Now walk to the kitchen. Now. And took the kettle from the cabinet and pour about two glasses of water and boil it,”

 

“Are you telling me how to make ramyeon?”

 

“You think?”

 

“I know how to do it, Changmin-ah.”

 

“So do it, you idiot! Hyung! I just called you an idiot because you haven’t eat. So please eat now so I won’t call you that again.”

 

“Min, are you drunk, now...” Yunho ripped the ramyeon package open.

 

“Is that the sound of ramyeon wrap being torn I heard? So you make ramyeon?”

 

“Yeah... so I’m being a good boy now, huh?”

 

“Well only if you don’t forget to throw away the wrapper afterward and clean up the mess.” Changmin continued to eating his cheesecake.

 

“What are you eating?”

 

“Strawberry cheesecake.”

 

“Is it delicious?” Yunho stirred the ramyeon once in a while.

 

“It has strawberry on it, Hyung.”

 

“I must’ve very good.”

 

“I haven’t eat the strawberries, Hyung.” Changmin rolled the strawberries around on the now empty plate. He used to give it to Yunho. Well, when he was around.

 

“Why?”

 

“I’m thinking of you.” Changmin said, absentmindedly.

 

“You see strawberry, you think of me?”

 

“Yeah. And I also think of you when I see 5 years olds.”

 

“Because I like kids?”

 

“No. Because they’re messy.”

 

“Ha ha.” Yunho laughed dryly.

 

“Your ramyeon cooked already?”

 

“Yeah, I think it is.”

 

“Go eat in peace Hyung. And don’t forget to clean up.”

 

“Yes, you already told me that.”

 

“Oh I did?”

 

“You did. You’re going to sleep.”

 

“I guess. Means I have to read new book for the show.”

 

“Haha... good luck with that.”

 

“Yeah. Night, Hyung.”

 

“Bye, Minne.” Yunho smiled and put his phone on the table, next to his ramyeon.

 

It felt lonely. And so quiet. Yunho cleaned the kitchen counter before eating his ramyeon.

 

While he was eating his dinner, he stared blankly to the living room in front of him.

 

Then he realized it, _everything_ reminded him of Changmin. Changmin maybe thought of Yunho everytime he saw straberry, and well, 5 years olds. But the more Yunho saw, the more he thought, the more he realized.

 

In the kitchen itself, was Changmin’s territory. Yunho was eating. Eating was Changmin’s thing.

 

The living room. Oh, how could Yunho survive the living room. Even only with TV set, rack, sofa, and coffee table, he could lost his things in there. And Changmin was the expert on finding things. Well, Yunho’s in this case.

 

Yunho sighed and finished his bowl. He was going to wash it tomorrow, but well, what the heck. It was only one bowl. Changmin would even wash a little spoon. “You better clean it before it’s piling, Hyung!”

 

Yunho decided to sleep and going to the bathroom.

 

Oh how many memories of (nagging) Changmin here. How Yunho didn’t dry his feet properly before going out from the bathroom. How Yunho forgot to close the door when he’s in a rush (“Hyung! I don’t care whether you’re an exhibitionist or whatever. But the smell, Hyung! Gosh I’m eating here! And that fucking sound just so fucking disgusting!”) How Yunho didn’t push the toothpaste from the bottom. And Changmin didn’t have the heart to seperate their bathroom toiletries so he just had to be patient.

 

Yunho just realized he didn’t spend that long time anymore in the bathroom. Maybe he still sang and dance a song or two. But he became more concious and afraid he stayed too long that he’d be late. No more Changmin nag him to hurry the hell up.

 

Yunho opened Changmin’s bedroom. Sometimes Yunho slept there with Changmin. Or they slept together in Yunho’s room. Usually because they missed their family. Or just had a long intersting talk of nothing.

 

That was crazy. Because everything just reminded him of Changmin.

 

*

 

“Su, so who’s this person you’ve been calling, huh?” Yoochun was laying lazily on the couch.

 

“Huh? Who?” Junsu was sitting on the floor, organizing some documents of his villa in Jeju.

 

“You know who’s I’m talking about.” Yoochun nudged Junsu’s shoulder with his knee. “That Nose Man or something.”

 

Junsu didn’t answer. Maybe he pretended that he didn’t hear. If Yoochun didn’t ask him again, he’d just let it slipped.

 

“Jaejoong Hyung asked me.”

 

“Why he didn’t just ask me?”

 

“ _We_ did ask you. And I don’t remember your answer.”

 

“Yoochun-ah, what did you know about Yunho Hyung and Jaejoong Hyung?” Junsu turned his head to Yoochun.

 

“Depends on what you’re asking..?” Yoochun didn’t sound surprised.

 

Junsu sighed. “Do you know that they become lovers again after we seperated?”

 

Yoochun stiffened.

 

Junsu saw that. “You know.”

 

“I didn’t... well, Jae Hyung tell me that he didn’t-“ Yoochun sat up.

 

“It’s not what I’m asking, Chun. I’m asking whether you know that already, which I guessed, you already do. And I’m sorry if this sounds childish to you, but why should I tell you if you guys keeping a secret from me.” Junsu’s heart was beating up fast. Maybe because of anger. Or fear.

 

“Junsu, it’s not like we don’t want you to know, because Jae Hyung tell me not to tell anyone else. Because he was still confused, and don’t know what to do with Yunho Hyung yet. And you were having your musical concert and we decided not to tell you. And then suddenly it was over between them. It’s like the whole story didn’t happen at all.”

 

Junsu said nothing. It wasn’t like he was in that position to be angry, but it wasn’t like he had no right to feel anger as well. Jaejoong and Yoochun were his members, his family.

 

“I’m sorry, okay.” Yoochun said softly, he touched Junsu’s shoulder.

 

“It’s fine.” Junsu stood up and put the documents on the table.

 

“So who’s that man?” Yoochun asked. “It’s Yunho Hyung?”

 

“No. I’ll tell you when Jaejoong Hyung is here too.”

 

*

 

When Yunho heard the news that Moonlight Prince was over, he rushed to Changmin’s apartment.

 

And it was empty.

 

Was the maknae too upset and went to have drink?

 

Yunho pulled out his cellphone from his pocket and called Changmin. “Min! Where are you?”

 

“I’m in a bakery. Why?”

“Where is it?”

 

“It’s near my apartment. What happened Hyung? Don’t panic.” Changmin felt a bit afraid. Did something bad happened?

 

“I’m in your apartment and it’s empty...”

 

“Well it’s probably because I’m here, at the bakery.”

 

“Yeah...” Yunho just realized he hadn’t took his shoes off. He retreated to the door sneakily, just realized that nobody saw it, then he walked normally. “So you’re gonna be back home anytime soon?”

 

“I just arrived, so... Hyung, why didn’t you call me first?”

 

“I thought you’ll be here.” Yunho put his shoes on the rack.

 

“Well, do you want something? This bakery has lots of delicious cakes, Hyung.”

 

“Just buy me anything.”

 

“Porn magazine sounds good?”

 

“A TVXQ member just mention porn magazine in public place. And I don’t know bakeries sell that kind of stuff, Changmin. And enough with the porn please, your mother tell me-“

 

“Okay, Hyung will you please stop for a bit because I can’t decide which I want if you keep rambling on my ear.”

 

“I’m waiting, okay. Don’t take long.”

 

“Won’t be if you stop talking, Hyung.”

 

Yunho smiled and put his phone back to his pocket. He sat on the sofa and looked around. Everything looked so organized. Maybe Changmin was the most neat bachelor alive. There were some magazines on the table, and books.

 

Yunho was reading the back cover of Charlotte’s Web when Changmin arrived.

 

“Hey, so I bought you the cheesecake I eat yesterday. It tasted so good I think you have to try it, Hyung.” Changmin was busy taking off his shoes, so Yunho came and took the bag from him and put it on the table.

 

“Wow, thanks.” Yunho smiled.

 

“Let’s eat them now. The spoon is in the box.” Changmin was sitting on the sofa next to Yunho and took the boxes out. “This one’s for you, Hyung.”

 

“Thank you.” Yunho opened the lid.

 

“Do you want to try mine? It’s not too sweet. It’s dark chocolate with little berries on it...” Changmin feed Yunho a spoonfull of his chocolate cake. “Good huh?”

 

“It’s delicious.”

 

“I know, right?”

 

“Min...”

 

“Huh?” Changmin was still busy with his cakes.

 

“I heard about your show...”

 

Changmin was thinking for a bit. “Ah, that they won’t air it anymore?”

 

Yunho nodded.

 

“So you’re coming because of that?”

 

“...yes.” Yunho felt bad. He knew that Changmin wasn’t the type who needed to be pitied on, but still, it was Changmin. His dongsaeng, and he wanted to be there for him.

 

“But you didn’t bring anything? No food no drinks? You’re the worst, Hyung.”

 

Yunho laughed. “I’ll treat you then.”

 

“You should.” Changmin’s voice got smaller.

 

Yunho knew that Changmin was playing it cool. But they had been toogether too long to hide anything from each other. He could see how Changmin’s movements became more rigid and how his eyes tried to avoid Yunho’s. “It’s not your fault, Changmin-ah.”

 

“Of course not. I’m the visual of the show.” Changmin turned his head to Yunho’s direction but didn’t look him in the eyes.

 

“It’s not your fault.” Yunho rubbed his back reassuringly.

 

Changmin stilled. “It can be. I’m not funny. I know I’m not good enough. But I even make the show to be a total failure is something that I didn’t predict. I...”

 

Yunho put his cake on the table. “No, it wasn’t a failure. Listen, I know you tried your best. The fact that the show doesn’t turn out well is not your fault at all.”

 

“You see Hyung, all the other hosts are very good. I mean, they have experience. If only I weren’t in the team, they can make it, you know? I only cause disaster...” Changmin said desperately.

 

“No way!” Changmin, they like you. In fact, how you add some porn in a boring books discussion is genius.”

 

“You’re saying my show is boring?” Changmin glared at Yunho.

 

Yunho wanted to slapped himself. Shit Yunho what did you do. “I’m saying,... well I think that book discussion can be boring. I’m not saying your show is.”

 

“It’s fine Hyung.” Changmin smiled a bit just to show that he was joking. “But you see, my show _is_ a book discussion. I know it is boring. And I don’t... I mean, why, I can’t make it interesting?” Changmin wiped that one tear which just left his eye. “I know it’s not a great success. But I think we’re getting better! The guest star are great and the books are getting more interesting. I started to enjoy it and I’m telling myself that I’m doing fine, but...”

 

“You’re more than fine, Min. I see you’re getting better. So stop blaming yourself.”

 

Changmin gave a little nod.

 

Yunho hugged him from the side. “Changmin, you don’t have to worry, okay. Just tell me the problem and I’ll be there. I’ll help you, okay? You have me.”

 

Changmin held Yunho’s left arm which crossed in front of his chest. “Thank you, Hyung.”

 

“Now let’s finish these beautiful cakes you buy.” Yunho took his cake from the table.

 

“Yeah Hyung, next time you giving me a pity party, don’t forget to buy food please. Snacks or steaks. And wine or soju.”

 

“You know what, I’ll call you before visiting so you can send me the whole list.”

 

*

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not even a little space in his heart is mine.

Changmin was actually calling Junsu to tease him about his villa in Jeju, and whether Changmin could visit and stay there. Without paying, of course. But their conversation was just too far from the main topic.

 

“I told Yoochun and Jaejoong about us.”

 

“Hyung, the way you say it, it’s like I make you pregnant and-“

 

“So you’re fine with it?”

 

Changmin sighed. “Surprisingly yes.”

 

“I was going to ask you first. But well... it wasn’t like what I planned.”

 

“It’s fine, Hyung. You don’t have to ask for my permission first.”

 

“Yeah, I’m just thinking...”

 

“So what did they say?”

 

“They asked how are you, and how long have we been contacting each other... and I just tell them we play games together...”

 

“And?”

 

“They asked about Yunho Hyung. But I said that we didn’t talk a lot about him.”

 

 _Did you tell them that little Minnie is in love with the leader?_ “Huh. And what else?”

 

“I think they think that we’re keep in touch because we’re playing games together.”

 

“That’s all?”

 

“And... uh, do you think Jaejoong Hyung and Yunho Hyung are still contacting each other?”

 

Changmin tried to think about it. “I don’t know. I’m not living with Yunho Hyung anymore, remember?”

 

“Well, just...” Junsu sighed. “Maybe you should tell him too, you know. Won’t he feel... I don’t know, _betrayed_ , knowing you’re keeping a secret from him? And you know Yunho Hyung, Minnie. He won’t like it knowing you’re not telling him stuff like this, will he? And what if Yunho Hyung know about it from someone else?”

 

Junsu didn’t tell Changmin that he felt that way, _betrayed_ , when he knew that Jaejoong and Yoochun didn’t tell him about Jaejoong and Yunho’s relationship, and he knew it from Changmin instead. Junsu knew that Changmin understood that he told him this based on his own experience.

 

*

 

Changmin deleted his ‘Hyung have you eat lunch? So, you know, I’ve been in touch with Junsu Hyung quite a while. Sometimes he call me, or text me. Sometimes it’s me calling him. And in fact, you were walked in when I was confessing my feelings for you to him. And yeah don’t forget to do laundry because it’s Friday. See you!’ message, and decided to tell Yunho in person.

 

“Hyung, what are you playing?” Changmin looked over Yunho’s shoulder.

 

“The usual. Why, you wanna use it?”

 

“N-no.”

 

They were in their shared apartment in Japan. Maybe Changmin should tell him when they were in Korea. They live here _together_. And it wouldn’t be nice if they were fighting but still had to be in the same room.

 

But the idea of Jaejoong asking Yunho if the leader know whether maknae was in touch with Junsu wasn’t nice. It would be ugly.

 

“Me and Junsu Hyung, had been calling each other for a while.”

 

“What?” Yunho’s character was eaten by a zombie.

 

“He was calling me at first. We’re talking.” Changmin didn’t know what to say anymore. “About stuff.” Changmin added stupidly. “Please don’t be angry.” The words just slipped from his mouth.

 

“What?” Yunho’s question didn’t sound like a question anymore.

 

Changmin needed to read Yunho’s expression. But he didn’t have the guts to look up. “He’s the one who bought me the game you asked about. When he was in America.”

 

If Yunho asked another ‘what’, maybe Changmin would end up telling his and Junsu’s whole history.

 

“That game? I asked that like... a year ago?” Yunho’s tone of voice sounded a bit emotional.

 

Now why did Yunho only remember unimportant things like that.

 

“When did he first call you?”

 

“I don’t remember.” Changmin voice was small.

 

“You don’t remember.” Yunho was clearly unhappy. “It must’ve been a long time ago.”

 

Then came the question; which Changmin knew Yunho would ask, but he still couldn’t find the answer. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 

“I don’t know.” Changmin almost regreted his choice of telling Yunho. But well, now or never. Yunho would know eventually.

 

“Come on, you’re smarter than that, Changmin.”

 

“I really can’t remember!” Changmin finally looked at Yunho, with begging eyes. “Please don’t be angry.”

 

“Shit, is this a revenge because I didn’t tell you about Jaejoong?!” Yunho raised his voice. “Why you keep telling me not to be angry now, but you have the right to be angry when I have a relationship with Jaejoong?”

 

 _Because I don’t want you to come back to him._ “Because Junsu Hyung and I just talking about unimportant stuff... games... things doesn’t matter to you.”

 

“Yeah, Junsu and you totally doesn’t matter to me!” Yunho said sarcasticly.

 

“It’s not what I meant, I just...”

 

“Why are you telling me now?” Yunho snapped.

 

None of the answer Changmin had could be the right answer. So he said nothing.

 

“Why are you telling me now?!” Yunho repeated louder.

 

“I don’t know why you’re angry! It’s not like I’m hiding something from you! Look, there’s nothing going on between me and Junsu Hyung. We’re just chatting and that’s that.” Changmin just blurted out. His defensive self showed up.

 

“So me with Jaejoong being in a relationship is something worth fussing about? Listen Changmin, I remember how angry you were when I told you about that. But now, you’re upset because I’m asking the same thing you asked me back then?” Yunho’s jaw clenched.

 

“I’m sorry, okay. I don’t know.”

 

“I don’t know either why I’m upset, Changmin.” Yunho stood up.

 

Changmin watched him with fear.

 

“I just think that I’m your Hyung. And you would tell me things like this. You would tell me everything. But it doesn’t matter, right?” Yunho looked at him, and left.

 

*

 

Yunho couldn’t go anywhere as he liked in Japan. Seemed like they were more popular in Japan than in Korea. So, he just got in a phonebooth in a corner and did the stupidest thing he knew.

 

“Hey... so do you know about Junsu and Changmin?”

 

“You’re straightforward aren’t you?” Jaejoong laughed a little. “Yeah. He just told me about two or three days ago.”

 

“It’s great, isn’t it?” Yunho said flatly.

 

“Yeah... hey, is something wrong?” of course, Jaejoong would see through him.

 

“No, no... I’m just thinking... about this... us. Five of us.” Yunho quickly added, didn’t want Jaejoong to misunderstood that he was talking about two of them.

 

“It’s a pity Yoochun’s being left out.”

 

“Yes he is.”

 

“So... do you think it’s possible, if we can... I don’t know, at least meet up?” Jaejoong smiled at the thought.

 

“...I don’t know yet.”

 

“But you want to?”

 

“Of course.” Yunho answer honestly.

 

“Then it can be arranged.” said Jaejoong happily. “Junsu was so angry Baek Do Hoon dead, you know.”

 

“Same with Changmin.” added Yunho.

 

They both keep quiet for a while.

 

“I miss you.” Jaejoong finally said.

 

“I miss you too.”

 

*

 

                Min! What are you doin now? You awake yet? I have a big news for you!

                _From: Rainbow Hair_

_\--_

                Sure hyung. What is it?

_Send to: Rainbow Hair_

\--

Not more than five minutes later, Changmin’s phone rang.

 

“Changminnie!! You’re awake?” Junsu’s sunshine voice beamed up to his ear.

 

“Yes, yes. What’s up?”

 

“You see, Jaejoong Hyung just told me, he and Yunho Hyung was talking about us meeting up!”

 

Was that a dream because Changmin didn’t remember he fell asleep. “Us meeting up.” he repeated to get confirmation from Junsu.

 

“Yes! So you already tell Yunho Hyung about us, huh? And maybe because we’ve been contacting each other, you know, Jae Hyung and Yunho Hyung, me and you... then isn’t it better to just meet up together?”

 

Changmin’s mind gone blank. “I’m sorry Hyung I just woke up and a little dizzy... can we talk about it later?” Changmin lied. He waited all night long for Yunho, who hadn’t show up until now, 6 AM.

 

“Sure, Minnie! Just text me later, okay. Or maybe you can ask Yunho Hyung. Sorry to interrupt your sleep.”

 

“It’s fine. Bye, Hyung.”

 

What just happened?

 

So did Junsu said that Yunho and Jaejoong arranging a meeting beetween all of them?

 

The door opened at that time and Yunho came in. He didn’t even bother to took off his shoes.

 

“Where were you?” Changmin dared himself to ask.

 

“I was with Manager Hyung. We’re canceling the CM so we’re leaving earlier. The plane departed at 10. Pack your bags.”

 

*

 

“So we’re meeting up?” Changmin asked.

 

They were in the airplane, back to Korea. No other place could be more convenience for this kind of talk. It wasn’t like they could talk when they reached home, because they didn’t live in the same home anymore. And they had the privacy, the managers were busy in front of their seats.

 

“Hyung?” Changmin nudged Yunho’s knee.

 

“What?” Yunho sounded irritated.

 

Changmin was taken aback. Yunho never snapped at him like that.

 

Yunho ignored Changmin and flipped the magazine page a little to rough.

 

So he’s still mad, Changmin thought. But no, he couldn’t hold back, he had to know now. “We’re meeting up with them, is that true?” he asked quietly.

 

“Them you mean?” Yunho pushed up the shades he wore.

 

Changmin hoped he still wore his shades too. So he wouldn’t look this transparent to Yunho. It was unfair how Yunho could hide his eyes.

 

“The other three...” Changmin said, with smaller voice.

 

“Yeah.” Yunho sighed lightly.

 

“Why?”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Are you still mad at me?” Changmin knew this question was out of topic, but it was somehow still relevant.

 

“Can’t say I’m not.” Yunho wasn’t looking back at Changmin, meanwhile the younger man was looking at him intently.

 

“Hyung, what... hyung why did you want to meet with them?” Changmin asked, almost desperately, dying to get Yunho’s attention, to understand the meaning behind all this.

 

“Why, you don’t wanna see them?”

 

“It’s not like that...”

 

Yunho was waiting for another word for Changmin, but he didn’t continue his words. “Then I don’t see any problem.”

 

“I just don’t understand... when did you get this idea?”

 

Yunho just hummed and flipped another page.

 

“Why do you want to meet them? This is not a joke, right?”

 

“I’m not laughing.”

 

“Hyung, we’re fine the way it is. No need to change it, right? Why don’t you tell me the reason you-“

 

And finally Yunho looked at him. “Listen Changmin, I can do this the easy way and tell you, ‘why don’t you wanna meet them? You’ve been in touch with Junsu anyway, for a long time’ but then, you’ll feel offended, won’t you?”

 

“Why you talking about meeting up with Jaejoong?” Changmin snapped.

 

“Why can’t I talk about it with him?”

 

“Your team mate _is me_ , Hyung. Your member, _only me_. I don’t understand why didn’t you discuss it with me first-“

 

“Okay. Fine. Why, what do you wanna say about it? About us meeting up?”

 

Changmin couldn’t say a word. His smart brain couldn’t provide the answer for that sudden question.

 

“See? So I’m just deciding. Like a leader will do for his team mate.”

 

Changmin couldn’t admit he was defeated. “No.” Changmin gulped. “It’s because Jaejoong Hyung, isn’t it? Because he wanted to, right? And he told you. And to him, you always say yes.”

 

“So what?”

 

Changmin turned his face to the window before the tears filled his eyes. When he heard another flip, he blinked and the drop rolled down his cheek.

 

*

 

 _Shit_ , Yunho thought.

 

Things had been confusing since he heard Changmin’s confession. Since they kissed. But their condition now was the least thing he wanted to be.

 

Yunho just thought that... he was important to Changmin, wasn’t he? Didn’t Changmin said he loved him? But then what Changmin had done to prove that? Or that was that? Saying ‘I love you’ then everything was done.

 

Or did Changmin was just playing with him?

 

But then, he wouldn’t explain _clearly_ about how Changmin would never hurt him, would never leave him, and cry and laugh together with him?

 

Yunho’s mind was a mess and Changmin’s behavior wasn’t helping at all.

 

“It’s your choice whether you wanna come or not.” Yunho said over the phone.

 

“I’ll come.” Changmin answered.

 

“I’ll pick you up at 8.”

 

Or I can pick you up instead, Changmin thought. “Okay.”

 

That night at 7.50, Yunho arrived at Changmin’s apartment. All handsome and good looking. His hair wasn’t styled, but he wore this navy shirt that Changmin really liked on Yunho.

 

Anything looked good on Yunho anyway.

 

Changmin cleared his throat when he got in the car. “You’re early.”

 

“You ready.” Yunho started the engine.

 

Changmin tried really hard to make a conversation but he was at the dead end.

 

“Changmin, I don’t want them to see us like this.”

 

Changmin turned his head to Yunho.

 

“We alright. I don’t want them to think that we’re...”

 

“Fighting?” Changmin added.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“It’s okay. I understand.” Changmin said. “So it means you still mad at me?”

 

Yunho didn’t answer.

 

“I’m sorry Hyung. I really am. If I knew that you’d feel that way, I wouldn’t do it and tell you sooner. I’m sorry I didn’t think about your feelings.” Changmin didn’t prepare his speech but he really didn’t want Yunho to become like this, unhappy and upset.

 

Yunho didn’t say anything, but the air felt a bit less tense than before.

 

They were going to an upscale apartment which located between a bar and a nightclub. Yunho had received an instruction from Jaejoong to get in from the bar or the club, then he could go to the apartment through the hidden entrance.

 

Yunho and Changmin were in the elevator, and they arrived in front of the door in no time. Yunho put in the codes and opened the door.

 

Changmin thought, and maybe Yunho was thinking the same thing; that this meeting is gonna be _something_. But then, in front of them, Junsu and Yoochun was standing, facing the door. And they were... just Junsu and Yoochun.

 

Junsu’s hair was dark brown and Yoochun with his usual short black hair.

 

“They arrived yet? The food already-“ Jaejoong walked in the picture.

 

So he was in the kitchen.

 

“Min!” Junsu was walking to Changmin.

 

Changmin’s brain instructed him to walk towards that duckbutt, so walk he did.

 

“What now, so can I hug you?” Junsu grin was so wide, and happy, and it was like a virus.

 

“Can I not allow you to-“ Changmin received a warm body threw at him. “-do that.” but he hugged back anyway. Junsu felt so thin.

 

Then came Yoochun. Shy Yoochun, if thing like that exist. He just smiled and gave him a short hug.

 

Then Jaejoong.

 

Who was still hugging Yunho. They were exchanging words in whispers Changmin couldn’t caught. So he just stood there with Junsu and Yoochun, staring at the two older man.

 

It surprised Changmin that Yoochun was the one who interupted them. He was mumbling about cooking or something and touched Jaejoong’s shoulder.

 

“Ah yes...” Jaejoong pulled out reluctantly.

 

And so did Yunho, let go reluctantly.

 

And Changmin thought, maybe they should just hug each other. Because now he could see that stupid sunshine smile starry eyes on that moonlike face. And the blush coloured Jaejoong pale skin just fine.

 

Changmin bit his lips to prevent him to say something stupid. Or evil. Or sobbing. Or distracted his heart to feel the pain coming from the lips instead, not from what he saw.

 

“Changmin-ah,” Jaejoong hugged him. “Thank you for taking care of Yunho.”

 

Changmin froze. He just patted Jaejoong’s back before the older man let go.

 

*

 

The dinner was awkward.

 

But he could see Yunho enjoy the moment, so did Jaejoong and Junsu.

 

Yunho complimented Jaejoong’s cooking, Junsu was talking about his soccer games and Yoochun was just nodding along and added something here and there.

 

And Changmin, was being his usual self, eating all the food his mouth and stomach could provide. Yes. He did admit he liked Jaejoong’s cooking so much. But it wasn’t like he missed it. It would be fine if he didn’t get the chance to eat it again.

 

Changmin was just standing at the terrace, his hands gripped the railings while he indulged his eyes with the beautiful night city view.

 

“Changmin-ah,”

 

Changmin startled. It was Jaejoong.

 

“Do you hate us?”

 

Just like Jaejoong, straightforward Jaejoong Changmin remembered from the old days.

 

“No.” was the wise answer.

 

Jaejoong sighed. “I just think that... because you weren’t talking and so quiet.” Jaejoong was standing beside him.

 

“Maybe because I was too busy eating.” Changmin joked.

 

Jaejoong lauged a little. “Is there something wrong?”

 

“It was just feel awkward. It goes with time. You know what I mean, Hyung.”

 

Jaejoong seemed more relaxed hearing Changmin called him that way. “Yeah. I understand.”

 

They went silent for a while. It was comforting.

 

“Do you want some ice cream?” Jaejoong asked after some time.

 

“Yeah, later.”

 

“Changmin-ah, can I... asked you something?” Jaejoong looked at Changmin.

 

Changmin looked back at Jaejoong and nodded.

 

“How’s Yunho?”

 

It’s here.

 

 Changmin could just answer the leader doing fine but then, Jaejoong wouldn’t ask a ‘can I ask you something’ beforehand. It wasn’t a casual question.

 

“What do you want to know about it?” because Changmin could go arround the world telling stories about Yunho.

 

“Do you think... I still have a chance with him?” Jaejoong mumbled quietly.

 

But Changmin could hear that clearly.

 

“What do you think? Honestly?” Jaejoong added.

 

Honest he wanted, honest what Changmin gave him. “Do you know how broken he was when you broke up with him, that you said you didn’t love him anymore? Well it wasn’t enough to push him away. He still loves you.”

 

Jaejoong looked nervous and unsure.

 

 “So what chance are you aiming for? What do you want? Didn’t you see his smile when he saw you? He loves you, Hyung. Even after you tear him apart and knocked him down, he’s just a fool for you.” Changmin forced a smile.

 

Jaejoong was biting his lips.

 

“Don’t hurt him anymore, Hyung. Because Yunho Hyung deserves happiness only. And I know you can give him that easily, but then, you also have the power to crush him.” Changmin said bitterly. “He deserves happiness more than anyone in this world, and you can give him that by just existing. You lucky, if you love him back.”

 

“I love him, Min.” Jaejoong stated.

 

“You think so?” Changmin said sarcasticly.

 

“I know I’ve been a jerk to him, leaving him and the break ups... but when I saw him, the real him, it comes back, you know. And his smile... he’s smiling at me... and the way he’s looking at me... and when we hug, it’s like nothing change between us. Like we’re always together, and we’re meant to be like that.”

 

Changmin could see sincerity in Jaejoong’s eyes and longing in his voice. “It’s you who have him, Hyung. Not me.”

 

“So... it’s fine if I ask Yunho to come back to me?”

 

“I don’t know why you asking me first.”

 

“Because, well... you know, you live with him for a very long time. You must know him more than any of us.”

 

“Yeah, Hyung. Just tell him the way you feel, you know.”

 

“Then... there’s no one else?”

 

“It has always been you.”

 

_Not even a little space in his heart is mine._

 

*

 

Yunho and Jaejoong were kissing in front of the door.

 

Yunho’s hands on Jaejoong’s back and waist, and Jaejoong was holding Yunho’s face. Yunho’s right hand move to caress Jaejoong’s face tenderly and Jaejoong deepened the kiss.

 

Changmin pushed a chair with his foot to make a little sound.

 

The couple startled and parted.

 

“Ready to go, Hyung?” Changmin asked, tried hard to sound innocent.

 

“Ah... yes...” Yunho was reaching his pockets. “The key-“

 

“Is on the table beside you.” Changmin walked towards them. Just then he realized they were still holding hands.

 

“Okay. It’s late already.” Yunho took the car key and wore his shoes.

 

“See you, Hyung! Bye Minnie!” Junsu and Yoochun was following to the door to say goodbye.

 

“Take care, Hyung, Min.” Yoochun smiled at them.

 

“Thank you for coming.” Jaejoong patted Changmin’s back.

 

Changmin could hear Jaejoong’s whisper “I’ll call you.” to Yunho.

 

They arrived at the parking lot not long after, and got in the car.

 

“Jaejoong asked me if we can go back together.” Yunho said, wearing his seatbelt.

 

“I know.” Changmin said, tried to sound normal.

 

Yunho looked at him with confusion.

 

“He told me before.” Changmin added.

 

“Oh.” Yunho started the engine.

 

“So you said yes?” Changmin ignored how his heart clenched with this familiar feeling.

 

“I don’t know yet, Min.” Yunho muttered.

 

“But you kissed him.” Changmin congratulated himself that his voice wasn’t shaking.

 

“I was just carried away...”

 

“You still loved him.” Changmin stated. “And Jaejoong Hyung said he loves you.”

 

“And what?”

 

“What, what, Hyung?”

 

 _Don’t you love me too?_ “How about your feeling?” Yunho gulped. “... to me...”

 

Changmin flinched. He didn’t expect Yunho to say this. “Does it matter?”

 

“Stop talking back to me, Changmin. Just answer the question.” Yunho’s eyes were on the road. His knuckles turned white from gripping the steer too tightly.

 

“I can do nothing, Hyung. I can’t force you to love me back. I know you love Jaejoong Hyung. And he loves you, did he say that?” Changmin tried to answer calmly.

 

“And you’re fine with that?”

 

“For years, Hyung. Another years won’t do me any harm.”

 

“Changmin, why can’t you help me here? I am so confused right now and you’re... you’re not helping. I always think that I can rely on you, but now...”

 

“You already know that I love you, Hyung.” Changmin took a deep breath. “And Jaejoong Hyung loves you too. It’s all up to you now.”

 

“Min, it’s not what I meant.” Yunho became more frustated. Why didn’t Changmin fight for him? Why didn’t Changmin try to steal him away from Jaejoong? Was Changmin really that weak?

 

And why did Yunho even want Changmin to try?

 

“Hyung you can stop over here. I can walk to my place.” Changmin said. “You need time to think alone. You can drop me here.”

 

“What? Now you want to leave me?” Yunho stopped the car. Not because the request, but because he was too shocked and... angry, maybe.

 

Changmin already took off his seatbelt. “I just giving you some space to think about this alone, Hyung.” Changmin looked at Yunho one last time and opened the door.

 

“Then why you confessed to me? Are you giving up on me?” Yunho held Changmin wrist before the younger man left.

 

“You still love him, dammit!” Changmin yanked Yunho’s hand off his. “I can even see that! The way look at him, smile at him, touch him, kiss him... and you’re the one who do all of that, and you don’t even realize it?!” Changmin let his tears fell. His anger, hoplessness, and pain crushed his chest and he couldn’t hold it anymore.

 

“I’m not stupid, Yunho. I know that I have no chance at all! Why are you talking about this to me?” Changmin eyes were wet with tears and Yunho could see sadness and hurt in those big brown eyes. “I also need to be alone...” Changmin’s breath hitched.

 

Changmin wiped his face with his bare hands and took a deep breath. “Go away, Hyung.” he closed the door and walked away.

 

*

 

“You’re home?” Jaejoong asked.

 

“Yeah. Just arrived.” Yunho threw his car keys to the coffee table.

 

“So... about earlier,”

 

Yunho sighed heavily.

 

“Is it a bad time?” Jaejoong caught him.

 

Very much. “Well...” Yunho could sense Jaejoong felt unconfortable now.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jaejoong asked, his voice full of worry.

 

“It’s nothing.” Yunho didn’t know what should he tell Jaejoong. He was very bad at lying and Jaejoong always can see through him easily.

 

“You must be tired. Sleep now.”

 

“I’m sorry. I will call you tomorrow. I’m sorry, it isn’t something-“

 

“It’s okay, Yunho.” Jaejoong cut him. “Yes, you can call me tomorrow, then.”

 

“I will.” Yunho promised. “So you sleep too. It’s late at night.”

 

“Yeah.” Jaejoong sighed. “Yun,”

 

“Hm?”

 

“I love you.”

 

Yunho knew it. “I love you too.”

 

Jaejoong cut the call and leaned back to the sofa. Did he do the right thing?

 

\--

“Yunho, I need to talk to you...” Jaejoong held Yunho’s wrist. He was just came back from the terrace with Changmin.

 

Yunho was having a chat with Yoochun and Junsu. “Yeah, sure.” Yunho stood up and let Jaejoong led him.

 

Jaejoong brought him away from the other three to the front door. The small space in the front door was a bit dark, only a little warm light from the living room lamp, but they could see each other clear enough.

 

Jaejoong braced himself and asked, “Do you want to become my lover again?”

 

Yunho blinked. Did Jaejoong just asked that?

 

“I know I am so shameless to ask this but-“ Jaejoong tried hard to find the right words. “I’m really sorry I hurt you all this time. But it was because I was so desperate and you’re not beside me. But now you here, Yunho. Here, with me. Now I realize that I love you, Yunho. I was so stupid to give up easily and let you go.”

 

“You want us to be back together?” Yunho said unbelievably.

 

Jaejoong looked down. “I’m sorry that I hurt you... I understand if you hate me. I’m sorry Yunho, I was just being stupid asking that to you, after all... you must’ve hate me now.”

 

“No. I don’t hate you.” Yunho touched Jaejoong’s shoulder to calm him down. “Yeah, you hurt me. But I never hate you, Jae, never.”

 

“I’m still sorry, though... I’m so selfish, and stupid-“

 

“Shhh, it’s over now, okay. I accept your apology and it’s over.” Yunho patted the older male and smiled lovingly.

 

Jaejoong looked back at Yunho and stared into his eyes. “You deserve happiness, Yunho, and I am willing to give you that.” he touched Yunho cheek. “I love you.”

 

Jaejoong leaned closer and kissed him.

\--

 

Jaejoong sighed and looked up to the ceiling. Yoochun and Junsu came not a long time after buying some drinks. Actually Jaejoong and Yoochun had already stocked the refrigerator with beers and bottles of soju. And some of Yoochun’s wine was opened already.

 

But Junsu could drink none of that.

 

So Yoochun accompanied him to the closest market opened to buy soda and cans of juice. Because juice was good for your health, unlike alcohol, Junsu said one time.

 

“Hyung? I thought you already started without us.” Junsu put the plastic bag on the table.

 

Jaejoong opened a bottle of soju Yoochun gave him. “I wanted to get back with Yunho.”

 

Yoochun sat beside Junsu on the carpeted floor, while Jaejoong still sat on the sofa.

 

“You mean we getting back together?” Junsu asked. His hand was still on top the half opened juice can.

 

Jaejoong shook his head after gulped the soju. “No. Me and Yunho. We, become boyfriends again.”

 

“You asked him that?” Yoochun almost spilled his beer.

 

“Just before he and Changmin left.” Jaejoong’s hands was playing with the soju bottle.

 

“But you’re the one who broke up with him.” Junsu said.

 

“Did you already think about this, Hyung?” Yoochun added.

 

“It’s Yunho! You know how I feel about him. I love him. I just realize how much I do when we meet again. I need him.”

 

Yoochun and Junsu exchanged a look. How they wished to be able to talk about that between just two of them, so then they knew what should they say to Jaejoong.

 

“Maybe you guys didn’t understand this. But I can see it very clearly. It was just like the old times, when we were a couple.” Jaejoong was longing for Yunho.

 

“But... don’t you think Yunho Hyung already have... I don’t know, someone else?” Yoochun asked uncertainly.

 

“I don’t think so. I asked Changmin.”

 

“You asked Changmin?!” Junsu who was looking unsure now looked up at Jaejoong.

 

“Yeah, why?” Jaejoong put his empty bottle on the table.

 

“Why you ask Changmin?” Junsu widened his eyes.

 

“Of course I have to ask him. I mean, he must’ve know about Yunho, and he said Yunho loves me too.” Jaejoong replied.

 

“Changmin said Yunho Hyung loves you?” Junsu asked again.

 

“Yeah he did...” Jaejoong was quite sure about that. Changmin did say that.

 

Junsu looked unconfortable and Yoochun was the one who noticed. “Why, Su? Something’s wrong?”

 

Junsu just shook his head and tried to avoid the other men.

 

“Su-ah, did Changmin ever tell you anything about Yunho back then?” Jaejoong asked him.

Junsu took a deep breath.

 

_“I know Jaejoong was his first, Hyung. But doesn’t he understand that it’s over already? That Jaejoong doesn’t love him the way he is. Can’t he just let go? Why is he holding into someone who doesn’t want him or even need him?”_

“Come on Su, did Changmin told you something?” Jaejoong was leaning closer to Junsu.

 

“Yeah, I guess.” Junsu mumbled quietly. “It was maybe... when you two broke up.”

 

“What did he tell you?” Jaejoong looked hopeful.

 

Yoochun even looked curious too.

 

Junsu sighed. “I don’t really remember. But he said... Yunho Hyung was falling apart when you broke up with him.” he muttered.

 

“Shit. I was so fucking stupid. I messed up.” Jaejoong covered his face with his hands. “I know Yunho hates me.”

 

“If you make Yunho Hyung felt that way, it means you’re a big influence of his life, Hyung. It’s because he loved you so much he broke down like that.” Yoochun said.

 

Junsu didn’t want to see Jaejoong so desperate like this. “Yeah, Yoochun’s right, Hyung. Maybe... maybe he still love you... and want you back.”

 

But what about Changmin?


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you... worry... about me, don’t. Don’t mistaken our relationship, Hyung. I know we need each other. But it doesn’t mean you love me.”

Two days after the meet up, Yunho tried to call Changmin.

 

No answer.

 

Of course Yunho expected this, but he couldn’t help but felt a bit uneasy.

 

Two more days passed. Changmin answered none of his call or message.

 

Yunho decided to come to Changmin’s place that evening. He wanted to make everything clear between them. No more imature sulking, no more misunderstanding.

 

Yunho entered Changmin’s apartment, felt lucky that the younger man hadn’t change the code.

 

The curtain was closed and the room was dark, but it was only around 5 pm.

 

“Changmin?”

 

No answer.

 

Did Changmin went out?

 

Yunho tried to call him, even he knew the other man would just ignore it like usual.

 

Yunho heard a weird sound. He turned around just to find that Changmin’s phone lied there on the wooden table and vibrated. He took it and turned the call down.

 

Where was Changmin?

 

Yunho walked to the bedroom.

 

He found a bulky bundle of blanket on the bed.

 

Huh? It was rare. Changmin didn’t make his bed.

 

Yunho was just about to leave when he heard a soft groan from the bed.

 

“Changmin?” Yunho walked closer to the bed. He touched the blanket. “Min?”

 

And there he was. Rolled in in a thick blanket, it would look cute but Changmin didn’t look well.

 

“Min? Are you okay?” Yunho pulled down the cover a bit to reaveal Changmin’s face.

 

“I don’t feel good, Hyung...” Changmin whispered. He turned to his side.

 

Yunho placed his palm on Changmin’s forehead. “You got a high fever!” Yunho tried to make Changmin lied on his back.

 

Changmin said nothing.

 

“Did you already eat the medicine?” Yunho asked, full of worry.

 

Yunho heard a small yes.

 

“Is there anything you need?”

 

Changmin didn’t answer.

 

Yunho knew he was disturbing the maknae who was trying to get some rest, but he hated to be helpless when Changmin was sick.

 

“Wait here. I’ll come back, okay, Minnie.” Yunho caressed Changmin’s hair gently and off to buy dinner.

 

*

 

Less then an hour later, Yunho back with dinner and medicines and vitamins.

 

He bought samgyetang. His mother once told him that chicken soup could heal flu and fever.

 

“Min, you have to eat dinner to eat your medicine.” Yunho nudged Changmin’s shoulder softly.

 

Changmin just blinked to Yunho, showed him that he was listening.

 

“Do you want some water?” Yunho handed him the glass.

 

Changmin sat up and drank.

 

“Wait here. I’ll bring the soup.” Yunho put the glass on the bedside table and went to the kitchen. He served the samgyetang in a bowl and scooped some rice to another bowl.

 

When he returned to the bedroom, Changmin already asleep again.

 

Yunho put the dinner near the glass and wake him up. “Min, you have to eat something.”

 

Changmin just groaned. His back was facing Yunho.

 

“Changmin,” Yunho put his hand on Changmin’s shoulder and shook him gently. “Min.”

 

Changmin was still.

 

Yunho sighed and brought the dinner back to the kitchen.

 

After about an hour later, Yunho reheat the soup and went to the bedroom again.

 

“Come on, Changmin. It’s time for dinner.” Yunho shook Min’s shoulder again.

 

Changmin opened his heavy eyelid.

 

“I’ll help you,” Yunho pulled down the blanket and helped Changmin to sat up. “I bought samgyetang. You’re hungry, aren’t you?”

 

“Water.” Changmin muttered.

 

“Ah, here you go.” Yunho handed him the glass and put it back after Changmin was done.

 

Yunho was going to feed Changmin. But what if Changmin didn’t like it? “Can you... do you want...”

 

“I can eat by myself.” Changmin said quietly, seemed like he knew what Yunho was thinking.

 

“Okay. Here.” Yunho handed him the soup bowl, but the rice bowl was still in his hand. He filled the soup with some rice.

 

Changmin was eating rather slowly.

 

It was the first time Yunho saw Changmin eating unhurriedly. He counted how many spoon had Changmin put in his mouth.

 

“Done.” Changmin give the bowl to Yunho.

 

“Already?” Yunho widened his eyes.

 

It was only three spoons okay.

 

“You barely eat.” Yunho looked into the bowl. “Here, you have to eat more...”

 

“No.” Changmin turned his head away.

 

Yunho felt like an old father to a spoiled boy.

 

“A little more, okay. You can’t eat the medicine on empty stomach.”

 

“I’m tired.” Changmin mumbled.

 

“You can sleep again after this. Here, Changmin, just a little bit more.”

 

“My head hurts.”

 

“Here, open your mouth...”

 

Two no’s later, Yunho managed to put another three spoons of food inside Changmin’s stomach.

 

After what Yunho could barely call dinner (snack, a healthy Changmin would say), Yunho brought the medicine and vitamin for Changmin.

 

“Do you need anything else?” Yunho sat beside the bed. “More blanket?”

 

“No.”

 

“Okay. Get some rest, then.”

 

*

 

Yunho was awake by the sound of Changmin tossing around on his bed.

 

“Min, you’re okay?” Yunho was leaning closer to Changmin.

 

“It’s cold, Hyung.” Changmin groaned. His hand reached to Yunho.

 

“What, what do you ne- shit your hands are cold!” Yunho held Changmin’s hands quickly and rubbed them together to warm him up.

 

Changmin was shivering.

 

“Wait, wait...” Yunho was running to Changmin’s drawer to take woolen gloves and the matching socks. He came back and put it on Changmin quickly.

 

“Do you want something? Tea with honey? Ginger drink?”

 

Changmin shook his head. “Hyung... Hyung...”

 

“What? What?” Yunho was in the panic mode. Changmin would be fine, wouldn’t he?

 

“Hyung...” Changmin’s voice sounded so thin.

 

“Yes, Minnie?” Yunho sat beside Changmin on the bed.

 

“Yunho Hyung...” Changmin was calling Yunho’s name over and over.

 

Yunho didn’t know whether the younger man was dreaming or not. “I’m here.” Yunho lied beside Changmin and hugged him so the other male’s head was burried in his neck.

 

“It’s cold.” Changmin whispered.

 

“I’m warming you up.” Yunho rubbed Changmin’s arms and held his hands.

 

“Hyung...”

 

“I’m here, Changmin.”

 

*

 

Yunho opened his eyes. The room felt rather hot, the sunray peeked through the curtain.

 

Changmin wasn’t there.

 

“Changmin?” Yunho rolled on the bed and stood up immediately. “Changmin?!” he went outside.

 

The bathroom door opened.

 

“Ahh, there you are.” Yunho sighed. “I thought... you were...”

 

“I’m just using the bathroom, Hyung.” Changmin said.

 

“Yeah. Sure. I just...” Yunho felt ashamed. He was so panic he almost looked pathetic now. “Uh... so, breakfast, right?” he walked to the kitchen. “What do you... I can cook some oatmeal... do you have cereal?”

 

In the end, Yunho made some bread with jam and served it with a glass of milk for Changmin.

 

“I feel like an elementary school kids.” Changmin was chewing his bread slowly.

 

“Taste nice?” Yunho asked hopefully.

 

Changmin looked at Yunho. “It tastes like bread with strawberry jam.”

 

Yunho just nodded. At least Changmin was becoming more like himself and looked better.

 

“Here. You still have to eat the medicine. And the vitamins.” Yunho put the pills on the table. “When did you awake? Do you want to rest some more?”

 

“You rest, Hyung.” Changmin finished his bread. “You must be tired.”

 

“I’m... I’m fine.” Yunho mumbled. Why Changmin was still caring about Yunho, even when he was ill? “I had enough sleep.”

 

“You haven’t eat, have you?” Changmin asked.

 

Yunho bit his lips.

 

“You have to eat, Hyung.” Changmin added.

 

“I will, okay. Don’t worry about me.” Yunho poured some water for Changmin.

 

“If I don’t, then...” _who will?,_ Changmin thought.

 

But there was Jaejoong anyway.

 

“Eat something, okay.” Changmin said, before went to his room.

 

Yunho washed the dishes and turned around. There was still some bread and the strawberry jam on the table.

 

He made some for himself.

 

After all, Yunho would listen to Changmin.

 

*

 

Yunho snoozed on the sofa with the TV still on. He woke up with a blanket covered his body.

 

Yunho sat up and looked around.

 

“You awake, Hyung?” Changmin was in the kitchen. “I make some us some tea.”

 

Yunho blinked. Did he sleep for a long time? He looked at the clock. It was 3 PM.

 

“Here,” Changmin handed him a mug and sat next to Yunho.

 

“Do you still feel cold?” Yunho put his palm on Changmin’s forehead. “You feel dizzy?”

 

“I’m feeling better now.” Changmin smiled reasuringly. “Hyung, can we go out for food?”

 

“What do you want? I can buy it for you, Min-ah.”

 

“I feel bored. Can we go somewhere?” Changmin asked.

 

“But...” Yunho wanted to protest. Changmin wasn’t that healthy yet.

 

“I’ve been staying at home for some days. Can we go somewhere, Hyung?”

 

Yunho was ready do say no, but-

 

“Please?” Changmin looked at him with his bigbig brown eyes.

 

“Okay. But you have to bring your jacket. Two. And bring your scarf too. And-“

 

“Okay!” Changmin stood up abruptly and went to his room.

 

*

 

Yunho bought three boxes of bento (just in case Changmin’s appetite went up again), cans of juice and mineral water. They went to Han River but stayed in the car.

 

Yunho felt relieved that Changmin was eating rather enthusiastic. “There’s still more if you want.”

 

“It’s enough.” Changmin closed the bento lid.

 

“Do you want apple or orange juice?” Yunho was rummaging inside the plastic bag.

 

“What do you want?” Changmin asked back.

 

“I’m asking you first.” Yunho looked up at Changmin.

 

“Well, anything’s fine with me. But you are always picky Hyung.” Changmin said. “You choose first.”

 

Changmin ended up drinking the orange juice.

 

“The weather is so nice.” Yunho exhaled the fresh air.

 

“I want to go out.” Changmin said.

 

“No! The wind is a bit strong, Min. I don’t want you to get sick. More sick.” Yunho held Changmin’s hand.

 

“Hyung,” Changmin whined. “You can barely call it wind. It’s just blowing air.”

 

Yunho rolled his eyes. “No. It’s cold outside.”

 

“Hyung, I already wear _two_ jackets and the scarf. The wind won’t hurt me.”

 

“What if someone noticed you?!”

 

“Ah~ my head hurts...” Changmin rubbed his temple with his knuckles.

 

“You okay, Min?” Yunho turned to Changmin.

 

“Ahh~~ I think I need to walk around a bit to circulate my blood.” Changmin was still rubbing.

 

“Then let’s go home, you can walk around there.” Yunho started the engine.

 

“Noo, Hyungg...” Changmin whined.

 

Yunho smirked.

 

“Fine. But let’s stay here for a while.” Changmin took off his jacket.

 

“Okay.”

 

They went silent for a little while.

 

“Hyung,” Changmin called.

 

“Hm?” Yunho turned his head to Changmin.

 

Changmin was looking straight to the river in front of him. “Have you already answer Jae Hyung question? Do you come back to him?”

 

Yunho’s heart stopped. “I haven’t.”

 

“You can’t keep him waiting, you know.” Changmin said quietly.

 

Yunho turned his head away. “Then what should I do?”

 

“Tell him.”

 

“Tell him what?”

 

“Your true feelings.”

 

Yunho tried to even his breath. Now he felt tired.

 

“I remember when we were still together, you know... the five of us. I know that you were really close to Junsu Hyung... I mean, you lived at his home for some time. I wonder if you know that I’ve been keeping in touch with him, of course you want to meet him... and yeah, of course the rest of them. Which lead you to meet Jaejoong Hyung.” Changmin took a deep breath. “I was afraid that it would happen. But, that happened anyway.” he scoofed.

 

“I don’t believe in fate. But if you guys...” Changmin’s breath hitched. “Maybe... maybe you and him are meant to be.”

 

 

Yunho said nothing. Why Changmin talked him into this? Yunho didn’t want to hurt Changmin. He knew the younger man suffered enough from his previous behaviour. Yunho was affraid he’d do another wrong thing.

 

“If you... worry... about me, don’t. Don’t mistaken our relationship, Hyung. I know we need each other. But it doesn’t mean you love me.” Changmin said.

 

Changmin turned his head to Yunho. “I’ll be fine, Hyung. I’ll be fine. It’s not like you’re gonna leave me alone, cause we’re in the same team. It will be okay. I mean, it’s gonna be like the old days.”

 

Yunho looked back to Changmin.

 

His heart hurted.

 

*

 

Yunho dropped Changmin off because that was the maknae’s request. He arrived at his own place arond 9, and called Jaejoong.

 

“Hi. Are you busy now?”

 

“Just finished recording. What’s up?”

 

“I... want to talk about that thing.” Yunho tried to choose the right word. “That... your question.”

 

 _Oh._ Jaejoong gulped. “Yeah?”

 

“Um, sorry to keep you waiting,”

 

“It’s okay. I under-“

 

“And Changmin was sick...”

 

“Really?!” Jaejoong startled. “How is he?”

 

“He got fever.” Yunho thought about Changmin. Changmin needed him. He also needed Changmin.

_But it doesn’t mean you love me._

“I’m sorry. We’ve been busy nowadays. Is there anything we can do?” Jaejoong offered.

 

“No. It’s fine, really. He’s getting well.”

 

“Oh. Oh, that’s good.” Jaejoong sounded timid.

 

“So... uh, the reason I called you...”

 

Jaejoong hummed to let Yunho knew he was listening.

 

Yunho really tried. But he couldn’t. He should’ve thought about it earlier before he called Jaejoong.

 

There was only breathing sound through the phone.

 

“Do you wanna come back to me, Yun?” Jaejoong finally asked.

 

Just a little push, that was what Yunho needed.

 

“I’m sorry, Jae.” Yunho replied.

 

Then Yunho thought, _why?_

Jaejoong didn’t answer.

 

“Jaejoong?”

 

“Yeah, I’m here.” his voice was shaking.

 

“I love you, but that’s not right.” Yunho was thinking really hard. “I don’t know what to say.”

 

“It’s... it’s okay.”

 

Yunho was afraid that he made Jaejoong cried. There, he hurted more person he loved. “I’m sorry. You mean a lot to me.”

 

“You too.” Jaejoong’s breath hitched.

 

Yunho waited. For anything. His heart was beating up he could feel his chest was thumping.

 

“It’s my fault.” Jaejoong said after a long pause.

 

“It’s not anyone’s fault.” Yunho really wanted to see Jaejoong right now so he could comfort him. He couldn’t stand seeing his bestfriend in despair.

 

“But it because of me, isn’t it?” Jaejoong said again.

 

“No.” Yunho gulped. “It’s me. I... change.”

 

They went silent for another long time.

 

“I hope you’re happy.” Jaejoong said.

 

“I...”

 

“I hope you do things that make you happy. Be with person who make you happy.” he added, more confidently.

 

“I wish you happiness too, Jae.”

 

*


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yunho sighed. “Bacause you gave it to me.”

“Min, you should come with us.” Yoochun said.

 

Changmin blinked because everything was a blur.

 

“Min, I know you’re confused right now. But it will be fine. Trust me.” Yoochun held his hand.

 

Changmin liked Yoochun a lot. He didn’t understand why Jaejoong had the most fancafe’s or people favored Yunho the most. Because Yoochun was the most mature, gentle, and caring man alived.

 

And he had these eyelashes Changmin liked to stare.

 

“Changmin, don’t worry, okay. We’re together in this.” Junsu put his hand on Changmin’s back.

 

“But what about Yunho Hyung?” Changmin finally spoke.

 

“Jaejoong Hyung is talking to him now. He’ll come, you see. And nothing will change because we’re together.” Yoochun tried to smile.

 

It looked weird because he forced it too much.

 

And Changmin knew Yoochun was telling him bullshit. Changmin knew, left SM wasn’t a wise choice. SM was bigger than anyone could think, and rebelled against it, if you still wanted to be an idol, called suicide.

 

But Changmin didn’t care. If they were together, then it would be fine.

 

The three of them stared to the door in front of them.

 

Yunho, Changmin, and Junsu’s shared bedroom door.

 

They heard a faint, but loud and clear, “GO!” and the door was opened, revealed a teary Jaejoong.

 

Yoochun was standing immediately and went to Jaejoong. They talked quietly, with Yoochun patted Jaejoong’s back gently and tears rolled down Jaejoong’s cheek.

 

Junsu was holding Changmin’s hand tightly. Or maybe it was another way around.

 

After Jaejoong calmed down a little bit, they come to the two younger males.

 

“Yunho wants to be alone for a while. Just... we... let him to think about it.” Jaejoong said.

 

And Changmin didn’t really remember but he ended up somewhere with bottles of soju on the table. He thought he drank one or two bottles. But he knew no matter how much they drank, none of them could forget the problem they were facing that time.

 

They went back to the empty apartment way passed midnight. Changmin and Junsu went to Jaejoong and Yoochun’s room and laid together on the bed, they were staring at the dark ceiling and said nothing.

 

Changmin must have been fall asleep, but he was awake to a still dark room and looked at the clock.

 

It was 4am.

 

Junsu and Yoochun was sleeping on the bed next to his and Jaejoong’s.

 

Changmin sat up and walked out the room slowly, didn’t want to wake up his hyungs.

 

He stood in front of the other door and opened it.

 

Yunho’s back was facing him. The leader was sitting on the bed and stared out to the opened window.

 

Changmin walked to him. “Hyung...” he called quietly.

 

Yunho didn’t answer. So Changmin walked closer and sat next to him. Changmin put his hand on Yunho’s shoulder.

 

The leader was crying.

 

Changmin’s heart hurted when he heard Yunho was sobbing. He never saw the leader like this. So desperate. Hopless. And lonely.

 

“What I should do now, Changmin?” Yunho cried.

 

“Let’s leave together.” Changmin said, felt that was the right thing to say and do.

 

“You know I can’t...”

 

Changmin could see another tear wetted Yunho’s face. He didn’t know what to do so Changmin hugged Yunho.

 

“I’m afraid, Changmin.”

 

*

 

Changmin said no the next morning.

 

He didn’t know why he refused their offer. He knew it wasn’t a good choice to stay with Yunho. But he wasn’t going to leave Yunho alone.

 

But time after time, the more he spent time with the leader, just the two of them, he realized. He understood why people like him, from the PDs, coordi, hoobae, sunbae, everyone.

 

Changmin knew that nobody was perfect. And he was ready to accept the fact that he’d end up with an imperfect someone for his imperfect self.

 

But then he saw, that Yunho is perfect.

 

Yunho’s clumsiness, dumbness, dorkiness, talkativeness, and stupidity is perfect.

“No, it wasn’t the stage. I was just trying too hard to look cool so I exaggerate the dance a bit... it’s not the staff’s fault, Min-ah.” Yunho patted his shoulder.

 

How Changmin hated (and loved) that Yunho being too kind to another human being but not himself.

 

And how Yunho never complain. About their inactiveness. About the other three. Or about nagging Changmin.

 

“I’m sorry you stuck with me, Changmin-ah.” Yunho said after their meeting with the manager. They were arranging their first comeback. “You know... you don’t have to do this.”

 

“If I don’t wanna do this I won’t be here, Hyung.” Changmin drank his water. “Don’t think about it anymore.”

 

“But still...” Yunho looked away. “I’m sorry that I keep you here.”

 

“So you better do your best and don’t make me regret staying, Hyung.” he smiled to calm Yunho down.

 

Yunho still looked down.

 

“Hyung,” Changmin held Yunho’s hand. “I’m here. Don’t worry, okay.”

 

And finally Yunho smiled back at him.

 

*

 

Yunho waited at Changmin’s apartment lobby. The maknae was filming his new variety show and hadn’t come back home.

 

“You could just go upstairs by yourself.” Changmin sighed and sat next to Yunho.

 

“Ah, you’re done? It’s so late.” Yunho said.

 

“Yeah...” Changmin was streching his body out. “Ough I’m so tired. So how’s the meeting today?”

 

“Yeah, we can’t change the concert date so...” Yunho pulled out some papers from his bag. “Here’s the song list we have to perform...”

 

“What! We have to...” Changmin coughed.

 

“Whoa, whoa... you okay?” Yunho patted Changmin’s back. “Do you want some water?” Yunho pulled out a bottle from his bag.

 

Changmin was still struggling with his own throat while Yunho gave him the bottle. He opened it and drank the content. “Wait...”

 

“What?”

 

Changmin was looking the bottle thoroughly. “I know this bottle.”

 

“Yeah, it’s cute isn’t it?” Yunho smiled.

 

Changmin was holding the round pink plastic bottle. “Is this- is this that bottle from the strawberry milk?” the strawberry milk he bought for Yunho although the 28-years-old-man-with-5-years-old-soul already had the banana milk Changmin bought him.

 

“Yes! I keep it...” Yunho said.

 

“You keep this?” Changmin lifted his eyebrows. “You can just buy another.” Changmin gave the bottle back to Yunho.

 

“You gave it to me.” Yunho busied himself with putting the bottle bag to his bag.

 

“Huh?” Changmin distracted himself from the papers.

 

“Nothing.” Yunho muttered. “So what do you think about the list?”

 

“What?... what did you say?” Changmin asked.

 

Yunho was mumbling something.

 

“What did you say just now?” Changmin repeated.

 

“The song list...” Yunho avoided Changmin’s eyes.

 

“No. About the bottle thing.” Changmin wasn’t teasing Yunho. It was because he _did not hear._ Well yeah, he heard, but maybe he heard wrong. “You can get another bottle like this. Why you keep it?”

 

Yunho sighed. “Bacause you gave it to me.”

 

Changmin bit his lips to prevent him from smiling like an idiot. “So...” he cleared his throat. “Why did you come? You can just email me the list.”

 

“I... wanted to tell you something else.” Yunho said quietly.

 

“What is it?”

 

“I rejected Jaejoong.”

 

Maybe Changmin heard right about the bottle thingie. But about Yunho rejected Jaejoong, he was quite sure he was wrong that time.

 

“You and Jaejoong?”

 

“Are not getting back together.” Yunho smiled awkwardly to Changmin.

 

Changmin blinked. “You rejected him?”

 

“I told you so.”

 

“But why?”

 

“I don’t want to.”

 

“What?”

 

“I love him.” Yunho explained. “But not like that anymore.” he quickly added.

 

Changmin was staring at Yunho like Yunho was a teacher explaining a math problem. “That’s why?”

 

“And...” Yunho was looking at his shoes. “I was thinking about you...” he said quietly.

 

Changmin could see Yunho was blushing. But why?

 

“I don’t know yet, but I guess I am... because...” Yunho looked nervous. “Do you still... your feelings... towards me...” Yunho looked at Changmin shyly.

 

“Yes, I love you.” Changmin stated. “If that’s what you mean.”

 

“I want to try too, you know.”

 

“Try what?”

 

“Love you.” Yunho’s voice was so small Changmin thought that even ants couldn’t hear it.

 

But Changmin could hear it just fine.

 

“You want to try to love me?” Changmin said softly, he shifted closer to Yunho.

 

“I want to love you.” Yunho looked at Changmin in the eyes.

 

“I will help you.” Changmin smiled. “I know it’s hard, but-“

 

“No, no!” Yunho interrupted. “It’s... I think I already...”

 

Changmin couldn’t believe it.

 

“Love you.” Yunho whispered.

 

But it was the most beautiful sound he ever heard.

 

“Thank you.” Changmin smiled sincerely. “Love you too.”

 

Yunho smiled back.

 

And Changmin could see that starry eyes and sunshine smile, to him. And him only.

 

“Min,” Yunho put his hand on Changmin’s chest.

 

“What?”

 

“Don’t... not to close...” Yunho looked away.

 

Changmin looked around. “Nobody’s here.”

 

“But...”

 

“But you’re not even pushing me.” Changmin smirked.

 

Yunho looked back at Changmin and Changmin leaned closer.

 

“Wait...” Yunho backed off a bit.

 

“What?” Changmin lifted his eyebrows.

 

“Could you... can you... can we... just hold hands instead?” Yunho was avoiding Changmin’s eyes again.

 

“Why hold hands, Hyung, we hold hands everytime.” Changmin put his hand on Yunho’s arm.

 

“Uh...” Yunho flustered.

 

Changmin leaned closer again. His face were only inches away from Yunho’s. Their noses touched in no time.

 

Yunho closed his eyes. And wait.

 

“You’re so cute, Hyung.” Changmin smiled widely.

 

“What?” Yunho opened his eyes.

 

Changmin stood up. “Now,” Changmin offered his palm. “Didn’t you say you wanna hold hands?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the finale. I hope u like it! Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first pic.  
> Thank you for reading and please share your thoughts.


End file.
